"A Strict Regard for Truth."—Nephew. "Hold up, uncle, people'll think you're screwed!"
Uncle (the wedding breakfast had been hilarious). "Shcrew'd! No, no, Sheorgsh! No' sh' bad 'sh that! 'Shame time—don' le'sh be"—(lurching heavily)—"osht'n—tas'hly shober! 'Can't bear osht'ntash'n!!"
SEASONABLE LUXURY
Old Gent (disgusted). "Here, waiter! Here's a—here's a—a—caterpillar in this chop!"