Waiter (with perfect composure). "We have some cheap wine, sir, at half-a-guinea!"
TOO LITERAL BY HALF
Scene.—A "cheap" chop-house not a hundred miles from L—nd—n.
Waiter. "Paysir? Yessir—Whataveyeradsir?"
Matter-of-fact old gentleman (who has been reading the "Quarterly" on "Food and its adulterations"). "Had? why, let me see: I've had some horsetail soup, spiced with red-lead and shop-sweepings: a plate of roast cow, and cabbage boiled with verdigris: a crust of plaster of Paris, baked with alum and bone-dust: half-a-pint of porter brewed from quassia and strychnine: and a cup of charred liver, annatto, and other unknown ingredients."
[Exit waiter for a straight-waistcoat, and a stomach-pump.