"MELTING!"
Stout Chairman (who feels the fire close at his back rather oppressive). "Waiter, I asked you to bring me a screen."
Waiter. "Master's very sorry, sir, but we ain't got no screen!"
Stout Chairman. "Then, for goodness' sake, tell the cook to send up the dripping-pan, and put it under me, quick!"
"I say, waiter, this salmon cutlet isn't half so good as the one I had here last week."