Who said my mother was a Turk, And took me home, and made me work, But managed half my meals to shirk? My Aunt.
Who “of all earthly things” would boast, “He hated others’ brats the most,” And therefore made me feel my post? My Uncle.
Who got in scrapes, an endless score, And always laid them at my door, Till many a bitter bang I bore? My Cousin.
Who took me home when mother died, Again with father to reside, Black shoes, clean knives, run far and wide? My Stepmother.
Who marred my stealthy urchin joys, And, when I played, cried “What a noise!”— Girls always hector over boys?— My Sister.
Who used to share in what was mine, Or took it all, did he incline, ’Cause I was eight, and he was nine? My Brother.
Who stroked my head, and said, “Good lad,” And gave me sixpence, “all he had;” But at the stall the coin was bad? My Godfather.
Who, gratis, shared my social glass, But, when misfortune came to pass, Referred me to the pump? Alas! My Friend.
Through all this weary world, in brief, Who ever sympathized with grief, Or shared my joy, my sole relief? Myself.
Stella. That is very amusing; but, Mr. Festus, if this is the extent of your elocutionary acquirements—