For what are we reproached? Have we been unjust, or partial? Have we not followed our programme and printed all contributions without preference, or selection, blindly as every just editor ought to do? We are over head and ears in paper, knee deep in ink; we have burned the midnight oil, endeavoured to please everybody, entertained foes in the guise of friends, and in short, succeeded so well in our various duties as to secure the envy and hatred of an ungrateful rebel.
The chief of the insurrection is a Scarab! the Scarab Hercules! This is no doubt a very fine name for a leader. Have you made the acquaintance of this Scarab? We for our part might scorn the attacks of such a grovelling fellow, did we not know that the bite or sting of the meanest of God’s creatures is always most venomous and destructive.
“We have therefore pleasure unalloyed in issuing the following order:—
1st. A price is placed upon the head of the Scarab Hercules; a suitable reward will be paid to any one who will bring him dead or alive (we would prefer him dead).
2d. Measures will be immediately taken to raise a large body of troops; a force of nine hundred thousand flies fully equipped to fight the rebels in the field or in the air.
3rd. The commissioners of police are required to carry one or more lengths of rope as their means will permit.
4th. All honest subjects are required to remain at home, go to bed early, get up late, and to see or hear nothing. Such a line of conduct will prove to the rioters that their projects find no favour among slumbering citizens.
5th. Animals found in pairs, or in groups, shall be cooked, or dispersed by force. This notice concerns Ostriches, Ducks, gregarious and socially-disposed animals.