Characters: Mrs. Malaprop, with her bad grammar and ludicrous diction; Lydia Languish, in love with Beverley; Sir Anthony Absolute, choleric, but kind-hearted.
Scene: A dressing room in Mrs. Malaprop's lodgings.
Enter Mrs. Malaprop, Lydia, and Sir Anthony
Mrs. Malaprop. There, Sir Anthony, there stands the deliberate simpleton, who wants to disgrace her family and lavish herself on a fellow not worth a shilling.
Lydia. Madam, I thought you once—
Mrs. M. You thought, miss! I don't know any business you have to think at all: thought does not become a young woman. But the point we would request of you is, that you will promise to forget this fellow—to illiterate him, I say, from your memory.
Lyd. Ah, madam! our memories are independent of our wills. It is not so easy to forget.
Mrs. M. But I say it is, miss! there is nothing on earth so easy as to forget, if a person chooses to set about it. I'm sure I have as much forgot your poor dear uncle, as if he had never existed; and I thought it my duty so to do; and let me tell you, Lydia, these violent memories don't become a young woman.
Lyd. What crime, madam, have I committed, to be treated thus?
Mrs. M. Now don't attempt to extirpate yourself from the matter; you know I have proof controvertible of it. But tell me, will you promise me to do as you are bid? Will you take a husband of your friend's choosing?
Lyd. Madam, I must tell you plainly, that, had I no preference for any one else, the choice you have made would be my aversion.