If Peter had only studied political economy as deeply as he has hydraulics, he might have improved his scheme of fire-extinguishing and rendered it at least self-paying, if not a source of revenue. During the summer months, this artificial pond could be rendered an excellent bathing-school, where, beneath the supervision of some of the unoccupied police, small boys could be allowed, at a shilling a head, to indulge in a hydropathic luxury of a dive and come up again. Beyond this, during the winter, the pond being subject, we suppose, to the ordinary afflictions of a cold, might be advantageously employed for the healthy relaxation of skating, during which performance the venerable Peter may patronize the public by an exhibition of his highly respected person, after the manner of his great predecessor, Wonter Von Twiller. By this ingenious arrangement the great water-tank of the great Peter may be rendered as great an institution in a sanatory point of view, as his Institute is to the intellectual world of our Atlantic Metropolis. Peter should be a water-cure doctor.
A Wonderful Invention.
Much has been said about the Albany Regency, whose lawgivers are Thurlow Weed, Seward & Co., but they cannot compare with our great Puttyman, Cooper, Draper & Co. For cunning reforms, soft soap and putty they have no competitors. While the former has dined on politicians, the latter has luxuriated on live alligators—of the short and long branch species—until they are looking fat and greasy. We advise Weed and Seward to look well to their pickets and walls at Syracuse on the 8th of September, or our great city reformers will not leave them an atom of power or greatness. Let Weed remember that these great lights of Metropolitan glory, have a peculiar way of doing business, unknown to the scientific of the present day. The invention is said to be despotic and arbitrary in its sway over the masses, but this can hardly be, for our Metropolitans are clear-sighted people and would certainly have made the discovery if such was the case; hence their popularity must originate from the true greatness of their invention and the entire approval and encomiums of the Press during the last three or four weeks. It is seldom that any new invention confers honor, fame and fortune upon the inventor, but this “Branch Incarceration” invention is a new era in science, law and philosophy. The inventors are deserving of a monument to perpetuate their memories to future posterity. Oh, great Puttyman, little did you think, when superintending your humble paint manufactory, that you would ever be connected in such a great discovery. How great, how powerful is genius—God-like. Praise God, Puttyman, that you and your fellow-inventors are not like other men.
City Hall Bell.—This loud, cracked-toned sentinel, having become ashamed of the corruption in and round the City Hall, has left the top of that institution and located itself outside on a wooden tower.
Central Park.—Supposed to be completed about the year 1880—judging by the last two years’ progress. Cost, impossible to estimate.
TO THE EDITOR OF THE ALLIGATOR.
New York. August 23, 1858.
Sir:—Hitherto I have refrained from addressing communications to the newspapers upon any subject of interest to the community, feeling better satisfied in reading the comments of persons other than myself. The course of the prosecution towards the unfortunate Mr. Branch leads me, for the first time, to speak to the public through the columns of a public journal, and suggests to me a number of ideas which, I think, bear upon the subject. I am not a personal friend of Mr. Branch, never having had half a dozen words of conversation with him. I look upon the prosecution (or, more properly speaking, the persecution) of Mr. Branch as a wholesale violation of the rights and privileges of the citizens of New York, and a violent outrage upon the spirit and tenor of our laws. For the first time in the history of our criminal jurisprudence, we find a man charged with the commission of an offence against our laws, arrested, indicted, tried, convicted, sentenced, and placed in the vilest servitude, all within the space of two short weeks. In this extraordinary trial we see, and painfully too, the establishment of a precedent to take away our rights and subject our persons and property to the ruthless grasp of an interested prosecution. ’Tis true that the prosecutors in the case of Mr. Branch were wealthy and in positions of influence, and it was therefore to be expected that justice should lean toward them, to the taking away of the rights of a citizen who could not boast of wealth. I assert, and without fear of truthful contradiction, that two-thirds of our community to-day sympathize with Mr. Branch, and look upon the course of the prosecution as a gross violation of their own individual rights, and such a violation as loudly calls for the indignation of the people; and it is indeed pleasant to reflect, that to-day the persecutors of Mr. Branch are entitled to, and willingly receive, the supreme contempt and unmitigated scorn of every lover of justice; and I tell you, sir, that scorn and contempt will manifest itself at the ballot-box to such a degree, that certain persons will wither beneath the loud condemnation of the honest citizen; and the time will come when justice shall not be thwarted by the mere wink of two or three self-interested individuals, who cannot boast of any particular merit. I take the position, that whether Mr. Branch be guilty or not guilty, the trial was unfair and the sentence unjust; and no evidence appears to my mind causing me to doubt but that Mr. Branch’s assertions were correct. Would it not have been much better, in order to the proper vindication of the character of the person against whom the charges were made by Mr. Branch, that all the circumstances connected with the affair should have been brought to light by an even-handed, above-board trial? Then, if the charges were false, the prosecution would have established their honor and integrity in a manner which would have satisfied the community, and not led them to look, as they now do, with suspicion. Beyond all this, Mr. Branch was denied the right of a preliminary examination; thus showing that the first step taken by the prosecution was illegal and unjust. These facts, when presented to the mind of an enlightened public, present such formidable proof of the injustice practised towards Mr. Branch, that it is impossible to arrive at any other conclusion than that Mr. Branch has been more sinned against than sinning. In conclusion I shall say, that, from what I have discovered of public opinion, it is high time that something should be done to rid ourselves of the present administration, and to put in office men who can be relied upon; believing as they do that Mr. Branch has been the victim of political persecution.
Let us hope that the time will soon come when the rights of the community will be preserved, and their persons and property protected by an enlightened, intelligent and honorable judiciary.