All the people gathered round this wonderful being with open-mouthed respect. Then this great man condescended to step from his grand carriage and address the villagers, as his carriage and his trumpeter stopped together.
“Listen, listen, listen—oh! oh! you rustics all
Listen, listen, listen, or great and small.
I am, I am, I am the greatest of great men!
For I can fright away the greatest oldest wen!
I, present now,
Who make a bow.
Am Doctor Dulcamara.
In France I’m known,
The French will own,
In Venice and Ferrara.
Such things I’ve done,
That more than one
Have said I am—no matter;
But this I know,
Where’er I go,
I make no little clatter.
“Listen, listen, listen every one that’s here.
If amongst you any’s dying, let him no longer fear.
I’ll cure her, or I’ll cure him, with physic quite divine—
In fact, you wouldn’t know it from very nice sweet wine.
Apoplexy
Need not vex ye,
If unto Dulcamara,
With rapid run,
You straightway come.
And as for those with asthma,
If they but drink,
I’m sure they’ll think
They need not drink much longer
If they’re too weak
Almost to speak,
Quick—presto—they’ll be stronger.
“Oh! listen, listen, listen. If any one has gout.
Oh! let him buy a bottle, and let him drink it out
As for tooth-ache,
But one sip take,
You’d think no more of that tooth.
And as to age,
I do engage,
Two sips will bring back your youth.
Oh! yes I am,
Your’e sure I am.
Great Doctor Dulcamara
In France he’s known,
His fame has grown
In Venice and Ferrara.
“Oh! listen, listen, listen. No doubt you think ’tis dear.
Oh! rustics, rustics, rustics, of that now have no fear.
A hundred pounds!
A hundred crowns!
A bottle I don’t ask you!
Oh! yes—oh! yes,
The price now guess.
To guess high, I don’t ask you.
Well, half-a-crown,
Just lay it down.
Ah! ah? my friend, health bless you.
All doctors pale,
Before me fail,
I only can redress you.
Come buy, come buy—oh! rustics, that’s if you’d be well;
Your duty is to purchase—my duty is to—sell.”
Now amongst the “rustics” who had heard this very eulogistic patter, was Nemorino; and this youth, biting the rim of his rustic hat, struck himself with the idea that the doctor could cure people of want of love.
“Sir doctor, pardon me, do you know many secrets?”
“Secrets, rustic, I’m all secrets.”
“My faith! Well, have you, by chance, the love drink of Queen Isotta?”
“Hu-u-m. Well, well, well, rustic.”