A LAW-ABIDING CITIZEN
Representative H----, of Iowa, sent some garden seeds to a constituent one spring. They were enclosed in one of the regular franked government envelopes, bearing the words: "Penalty for private use three hundred dollars." A few days later, H---- received this letter:
"DEAR MR. H----: I don't know what to do with those garden seeds you sent me. I notice it is three hundred dollars fine for private use. I don't want to use them for the public; I want to plant them in my private garden, and can't afford to pay three hundred dollars for the privilege. Won't you see if you can fix it so I can use them privately, for I am a law-abiding citizen and do not want to commit any crime."
CONVENIENT
Two Irishmen were arguing in regard to the spiritualistic leanings of the late Ferdinand J. Dreer.
"Well," said one, "he moight have been a bit foolish an' belaved in banshee an' the loike, but he knew enough to have himself cr-remated."
"An' do yez be thinkin' that's a good thing?" said the other.
"Why, mon, I do that! Whin yez is cr-remated yez can have the remains put in a tin box and kerry thim ar-round in your vist pocket wid yez."
THE RESPECTFUL SON
The obedient boy is a treasure, but in trying to be polite he sometimes slips up. The father of this lad had brought him up to be courteous to his elders on all occasions. Upon going to a distant school, his father had told him to telegraph home "Yes," if he found everything satisfactory and had arrived safely. He did so, but the busy parent had forgotten the arrangement and, being puzzled, telegraphed back, "Yes, what?" The answer came, "Yes, sir."