"Ef I don't git any more kicks I'se gwine to quit. Every time Mistah Wintah used to kick and cuff me when he done git mad, he always git 'shamed of hisse'f and gimme a quarter. I'se done los' enuff money a'ready wid dis heah foolishness 'bout hurtin' mah feelin's."
GETTING EVEN
A young bride was recently invited to a bridge luncheon, and after spending a delightful afternoon was told by her hostess that she was in debt to the amount of seventy-five dollars.
Mrs. ----, unaware that she had been playing for money, mournfully confided her woes to her husband, and he immediately wrote a check for seventy-six dollars and fifty cents and sent it to the hostess.
The hostess, believing that a mistake had been made, informed him that he had sent a dollar and a half too much. Mr. ----, however, returned it with the curt statement that the seventy-five dollars settled the bridge score, and the balance was for his wife's luncheon.
CHARGED THE JURY
By some peculiar election twist, an old negro was elected a justice of the peace in the backwoods of Georgia.
His first case happened to be one in which the defendant asked for a trial by jury. When the testimony was all in and the argument had been concluded, the justice seemed somewhat embarrassed. Finally one of the lawyers whispered to him that it was time to charge the jury. Looking at the jury with a grim, judicial air, the judge said:
"Gentlemen ob de jury, sense dis is a very small case, I'll jes' charge y'all a dollar an' a ha'f a-piece."
SHOULD BE FAMILIAR