[No. 1764] and [1765] are very much of the same description—clever, deep, and remarkable for the same want of method in transposing the alphabet, and when read are worthy of the cunning nature that devised such a disguise. As the translation is a very tedious business and would require a large amount of patience and perseverance I give them both: [No. 1764]—“Very vexed at angry part of your letter. Why not take interest in your appearance? Heiress be damned. Have more trust. Shall always remain as usual yours only. V.” [No. 1765]—“On prowl and near game. Party scrofulous but got the brass. Parker!! Family very soft and come from Leeds. Make inquiries. Trust is broken reed ready wanted to swagger withal (sic). Help Jones usually. V.”
Advertisement [No. 1731] is equally mysterious and clever; the alphabet commences at the letter N as in advertisement [No. 1247], but is rendered more obscure by the use of capital letters, and after having deciphered the letters the sentence has to be divided into words; my readers will then find it reads thus: “You only till death letter for you Sunday night.”
I think after all the examples I have given that no one will have much difficulty in deciphering for themselves advertisements [No. 1762] and [1767] in which “Nellie” addressed herself to “Darling Alf.” Any construction might be put on her simple message, but “I will be at the Great Western Hotel at six on Wednesday” gives one the idea of a runaway match, and this idea seems to be confirmed in the second advertisement, [No. 1767], in which she says, “Everything sacred as the grave” (query, did she not mean silent?), and asks for £5 to defray expenses.
We come across a somewhat curious case in advertisements [No. 694], [702], [708], [710], [713], and [715]: a young lady, evidently in love, and separated from the object of her affections, wrote to the “Agony Column” under the name of “Puisque” ([No. 694]); she received no answer, so advertised again twice ([No. 702] and [708]), and was evidently under a strong impression that her lover was suffering from illness. After a few days an answer appeared, headed “Puisque” ([710]), but the writer desired her to advertise again, addressing her correspondent by his own initials. We find in advertisement [No. 713] that the lady suspected the fraud, and then her genuine lover advertised ([715]) to tell her that the former one ([710]) had not been inserted by him. There is little doubt that some one interested in keeping them apart had detected the advertisement, and under the common impression that “all is fair in love and war” had laid aside all scruples—if he or she ever possessed any—to serve his or her own ends. This is not the only case of mistaken identity; we find in advertisement [No. 1065] that the writer was in doubt as to whether the one he was answering was intended for him or not.
After a very careful investigation I think the romantic pair who advertised for some time under the disguise of “Does he repent” (advertisements [No. 923], [924], [925], and [926]) were either found out or afraid of detection, as they altered their names twice; the first time to “Rose” and “Weed,” and again to “Blue bell” and “Lochinvar” (advertisements [No. 962] and [963]). “Constantia” also appears to have had a part in this plot (advertisement [No. 969]); probably she played the part of “go-between.” Advertisements [No. 1181], [1183], and one or two others are quite legible when read backwards.
After the number of sentimental advertisements, which certainly form the greater number in the Agony Column, it is rather a relief to find a few ludicrous specimens, such as “Jolly to Rummy” (advertisement [No. 1166]); “Portmanteau to Pack” (advertisement [No. 1180]); “Little Silly” (advertisement [No. 1216]); “He has sneezed, etc.” ([No. 1258]); and a splendid antidote to all sentimentality is expressed in the sarcasm of advertisement [No. 1237]: “Fred. All right. I sympathize with your pain, but why not seek consolation where you cannot find it, and in a way that pains me? Write as usual. Trust Ever.”
Amongst the number of advertisements that I have passed over in silence there are many, I have little doubt, that might be classed under the head of stratagems, that is to say, they are inserted with a view of deceiving those to whom they are addressed. For instance, how often do we read nowadays: “John Smith will hear something to his advantage if he applies in person to Tom Jones, Brown Street.” But in all probability the same said John Smith will find that if he gratifies his curiosity by visiting Mr. Jones at the place named, in the hope of finding a fortune has been left to him, he will find it would have been decidedly more to his advantage had he suppressed his curiosity and remained at home.
Nor is a hoax by any means an uncommon thing in the “Agony Column.” There is a story—American, of course—of a man whose wife deserted him; but instead of running after her and begging her to come back, he published in the leading daily paper that he had drawn fifty thousand dollars in the lottery; and the story goes that she returned immediately. Needless to state that the prize in the lottery only existed in the ingenious man’s imagination.
Lastly, I must draw the attention of my readers to the two most remarkable series of advertisements, in my opinion, that have appeared during the present century, though I feel sure that all who honour my pages with a careful perusal will not fail to notice them without any remark of mine.