"ANY RELATIONS?"—423.
The man who collects the names of soldiers for the town records of Adams was recently the questioner in the following conversation, the lady of the house replying:—"Have you any friends in the war, madam?" "No, sir." "Any relations?" "No, sir." "Do you know anybody from this neighbourhood who is in the army?" "No, sir." As he was leaving, a bright thought struck her, and she rushed to the door, exclaiming: "Oh, my husband has gone to the war!"
DIDN'T CARE THEN IF HE DID.—424.
A gentleman from Boston chanced to find himself among a little party of ladies away down East this summer, in the enjoyment of some innocent social play. He carelessly placed his arm about the slender waist of as pretty a damsel as Maine can boast of, when she started, and exclaimed: "Begone, sir; don't insult me!" The gentleman instantly apologized for his seeming rudeness, and assured the half-offended fair one that he did not mean to insult her. "No?" she replied, archly. "Well, if you didn't, you may do it again."
NO JUSTICE IN THAT COURT.—425.
A villanous specimen of humanity was brought into the Police Court before Justice Cole, of Albany, charged with having brutally assaulted his wife. The charge was substantiated in the clearest and most positive manner, and exhibited the most heartless cruelty on the husband's part. On his examination before the Justice, he had a good deal to say about "getting justice." "Justice!" exclaimed Squire Cole, "you can't get it here. This court has no power to hang you!"
SENSATIONS OF A DOWN-EASTER.—426.
It has been truly said that "we reckon the progress of our lives by sensations, not years," and an anecdote related by a friend very happily illustrates the truth of the maxim. A young man "down East" was asked his age; to which he answered—"Wal, I don't know exactly, but I have had the seven year itch three times."
CHANGES.—427.
A young lady, in a class studying physiology, made answer to a question put, that in six years a human body became entirely changed, so that not a particle which was in it at the commencement of the period would remain at the close of it. "Then, Miss L.," said the young tutor, "in six years you will cease to be Miss L.?" "Why, yes, sir, I suppose so," said she, very modestly looking at the floor.