A Milwaukee paper says that when a Wisconsin girl is kissed, she looks surprised, and says, "How could you do it?" To which the swain replies, "It will give me much pleasure to show you," and proceeds to give her a duplicate.
TOO SLOW FOR PARADISE.—38.
Pickering is a very nervous little man, who fusses and fidgets about in a remarkably quick manner, and who holds in detestation anything that can possibly come under the head of a slow coach, and indulges in rather queer expressions when anything moves too slow for his views. He is blessed with a "maid-of-all-work," who has caused him to utter more profane words during the past three months than three years in purgatory can atone for. One evening last week he despatched the girl upon an errand to the neighbouring store, and according to his ideas she remained an unaccountably long time. He pulled out his watch and looked half-a-dozen times within ten minutes, whistled, drummed upon the table with his fingers, beat time with his feet upon the floor, and finally started up again and began pacing the room, as if his nervous agitation could in any degree accelerate the movements of the absent abigail. But the girl came at length, and her impatient master broke forth with—"For goodness' sake, Maggie, where have you been?" "In the store, sir," was Maggie's reply. "Well," said her master, "it is about one hundred yards to the store, and you have been fifteen minutes in going and returning." "Yes, sir," broke in the girl. "Now, Maggie," continued he, "take my advice, and when you die, remain quietly in your grave, and never make an attempt to get to Heaven." "And why not, sir?" queried the bewildered girl. "Because," said Pickering, "the sun is ninety-six millions of miles from the earth, and Heaven is beyond that; and if you ever make an attempt to get there, at the rate you move, eternity will come to an end before you reach your destination."
THAT'S A GOOD 'UN!—39.
Some one was telling Sam about the longevity of the mud turtle. "Yes," said Sam, "I know all about that, for once I found a venerable old fellow in a meadow, who was so old that he could scarcely wiggle his tail, and on his back was carved (tolerably plain, considering all things) these words: 'Paradise, Year 1, Adam.'"
INTERESTING TO THE PARTIES CONCERNED.—40.
In connexion with the late riot in that city the Boston Journal publishes the following:—The individual who dropped half of his thumb at the corner of Cooper and North Mangin Streets on Tuesday night, may have some interest in knowing that it has been picked up and carefully preserved by a worthy citizen of Ward 5; and the individual in his shirt sleeves who limped off with a bullet in his hip from a spot near the same neighbourhood, on the same night, may receive the brick he gave in exchange for it by returning the bullet to the 3rd police-station.
A KNOWING JURYMAN.—41.
A New Jersey paper tells a story of a well-known character who frequently figured on juries in New York. While on a jury, as soon as they had retired to their room to deliberate, he would button up his coat and "turn in" on a bench, exclaiming: "Gentlemen, I'm for bringing in a verdict for plaintiff (or defendant, as he had settled his mind), and all creation can't move me. Therefore, as soon as you have all agreed with me, wake me up, and we'll go in."