SNORING IN CHURCH.—515.
The Boston Bee contains the following polite hint:—"Deacon —— is requested not to commence snoring in church to-morrow morning until after the commencement of the sermon, as several of the congregation are anxious to hear the text."
PROFESSOR EVERETT AND JUDGE STORY.—516.
Professor Everett, once the American ambassador to this country, was entertained at a public dinner before leaving Boston. Judge Story gave as a sentiment—"Genius is sure to be welcome where Ever-ett goes." Everett responded—"Law, Equity, and Jurisprudence: no efforts can raise them above one Story."
LOVE-LETTER INK.—517.
An ingenious down-easter, who has invented a new kind of "love-letter ink," which he has been selling as a safeguard against all actions for breach of promise of marriage, in so much as it entirely fades from the paper in two months after date, was recently "done brown" by a brother down-easter, who purchased a hundred boxes of the article, and gave him his note for 90 days. At the expiration of the time, the ink inventor called for payment, but, on unfolding the scrip, found nothing but a blank piece of paper. The note had been written with his own ink.
A ROUGH BEDFELLOW.—518.
A man in Arkansas had been drinking until a late hour at night, and then started for home in a state of sweet obliviousness. Upon reaching his own premises he was too far gone to discover any door to the domicile he was wont to inhabit, and, therefore, laid himself down in a shed which was a favourite rendezvous for swine. They happened to be out when the new comer arrived, but soon returned to their bed. The weather being rather cold, they, in the utmost kindness, and with the truest hospitality, gave their biped companion the middle of the bed, some lying on either side of him, and others acting the part of quilt. Their warmth prevented him from being injured by exposure. Towards morning he awoke. Finding himself comfortable, in blissful ignorance of his whereabouts, he supposed himself enjoying the accommodation of a tavern, in company with other gentlemen. He reached out his hand, and catching hold of the stiff bristles of an old hog, exclaimed: "Hallo, my good friend, you've got a deuce of a beard! When did you shave last?"
NEW, IF NOT TRUE.—519.
In one of the Northern States of America, according to veracious authority, the pious young women established an association which they styled "The Young Women's Anti-young-men-waiting-at-the-church-doors-with-ulterior-objects Society." (We suppose this must be founded on the model of "The Anti-poking-your-nose-into-other-people's-business Society," in London.)