THE CHICKENS IN TENNESSEE.—61.
One day a wealthy old lady, whose plantation was in the vicinity of the camp, came in and inquired for General Payne. When the commander made his appearance, the old lady, in warm language, at once acquainted him with the fact that his men had stolen her last coop full of chickens, and demanded their restitution or their value in currency. "I am sorry for you, madam," replied the general, "but I can't help it. The fact is, madam, we are determined to squelch out the rebellion, if it takes every chicken in Tennessee."
A SONNET INSTEAD OF A BONNET.—62.
An officer in Banks's department recently received a letter from his little daughter at home, asking him to send her money with which to buy a new bonnet, to which he replied as follows:—
"I would send you a kiss, dear daughter,
As pure from a fond father's lips,
And as chaste as the drop of water
That fresh from an icicle drips;
But kisses thus sent in a letter
Would lose all their sweetness for thee,
And I know it would please thee far better
To receive a few greenbacks from me.
But as I am 'hard up,' and you not in need,
You will have to put up with the will for the deed;
I therefore send you this nice little sonnet,
Instead of the greenbacks to buy you a bonnet."
THE OLD HEN AND CHICKENS.—63.
Aunt E. was trying to persuade little Eddy to retire at sundown. "You see, my dear, how the little chickens go to roost at that time." "Yes, aunty," replied Eddy, "but the old hen always goes with them." Aunty tried no more arguments with him.
STRANGE PECULIARITIES.—64.
A Western editor sums up the peculiarities of a contemporary as follows:—He is too lazy to earn a meal, and too mean to enjoy one. He was never generous but once, and that was when he gave the itch to an apprentice boy—so much for his goodness of heart! Of his industry, he says, the public may judge when he states that the only time he ever worked was when he mistook castor oil for honey.