A SMART RAILWAY EMPLOYÉ.—167.
A railroad employé, whose home is in Avon, came on Saturday night to ask for a pass down to visit his family. "You are in employ of the railroad?" asked the gentleman applied to. "Yes." "You receive your pay regularly?" "Yes." "Well, now suppose you were working for a farmer instead of a railroad, would you expect your employer to hitch up his team every Saturday night, and carry you home?" This seemed a poser, but it wasn't. "No," said the man, promptly, "I wouldn't expect that; but if the farmer had his team hitched up, and was going my way, I should call him a darned mean cuss if he would not let me ride." Mr. Employé came out three minutes afterwards with a pass good for twelve months.
THE LATE FLOYD.—168.
A gifted poet has perpetrated the following epitaph on the late Floyd:—
"Floyd has died and few have sobb'd,
Since, had he lived, all had been robb'd;
He's paid Dame Nature's debt, 'tis said—
The only one he ever paid.
Some doubt that he resign'd his breath;
But vow that he has cheated even death.
If he is buried, oh! then, ye dead beware;
Look to your swaddlings, of your shrouds take care.
Lest Floyd should to your coffins make his way,
And steal the linen from your mould'ring clay."
A VEGETABLE HEAD.—169.
The late Judge Peters has left behind him a host of well-remembered puns worth relating. When on the District Court Bench, he observed to Judge Washington that one of the witnesses had a vegetable head. "How so?" was the inquiry. "He has carroty hair, reddish cheeks, a turn-up nose, and a sage look."
OBJECTING TO MISSIONS.—170.
A wag was lately asked to contribute to foreign missions. "Not on any account," said he. "Why not?" asked the collector, "the object is laudable." "No, it isn't," was the reply; "not half so many people go to the devil now as ought to."