During a recent trial at Auburn, the following occurred to vary the monotony of the proceedings:—Among the witnesses was one as verdant a specimen of humanity as one would wish to meet with. After a severe cross-examination the counsel for the Government paused, and then putting on a look of severity and ominous shake of the head, exclaimed, "Mr. Witness, has not an effort been made to induce you to tell a different story?" "A different story from what I have told, sir?" "That is what I mean." "Yes, sir; several persons have tried to get me to tell a different story from what I have told, but they couldn't." "Now, sir, upon your oath, I wish to know who these persons are." "Wall, I guess you've tried 'bout as hard as any of them." The witness was dismissed, while judge, jury, and spectators indulged in a hearty laugh.
A SATISFACTORY REASON.—242.
A few days ago an Englishman came into a grocery to make a few purchases, but was not suited with prices, so he broke out with, "What a bloody country! I could get more for twopence at home than I can 'ere for 'arf a crown." "Why the devil didn't you stay at 'ome?" said the angry groceryman. "I'll tell you," replied John Bull; "I couldn't get the twopence."
THE OLD KING'S ARM.—243.
The old king's arm had a barrel as long as a rail, requiring some little time for a musket-ball to get out of it. A sportsman, in speaking of its peculiarities, said: "I once aimed at a robin, snapped the lock four times, then looked into the muzzle, saw the charge coming out, raised the gun again, took aim, and killed the bird."
REASONS FOR NOT JOINING THE CHURCH.—244.
Two lawyers in Lowell were returning from court, when the one said to the other: "I've a notion to join Rev. Mr. ——'s church; been debating the matter for some time. What do you think of it?" "Wouldn't do it," said the other. "Well, why?" "Because it could do you no possible good, while it would be a great injury to the church."
IRISH EXHORTATION.—245.
An Irishman in Pittsburgh, who was exhorting the people against profane swearing, said he was grieved to see what he had seen in that town. "My friends," said he, "such is the profligacy of the people around here that even little children, who can neither walk nor talk, may be seen runing about the streets cursing and swearing!"