A Western editor, in reply to a contemporary, says to him, "The fact is as evident as the nose on your face, or the whisky blossoms on the countenance of your Mayor."
ONE OF THE PRESS.—322.
A very fat man having taken his seat in an omnibus already crowded, to the great annoyance of the passengers, several, with partial breathing and muttering lips, inquired who such a lump of flesh as the new comer could be. "I don't know," said a wag, "but, judging from the effect he produces, I should suppose him a member of the Press."
ANOTHER BURST OF ELOQUENCE.—323.
In a stump speech somewhere out West—the usual locality—a windy orator recently got up before an assemblage of his intelligent countrymen, and said: "Sir, after much reflection, consideration, and examination, I have calmly, deliberately, and carefully come to the determined conclusion, that in cities where the population is very large there are a greater number of men, women, and children, than in cities where the population is less. And I firmly believe there is not a man, woman, or child in all this vast assembly that has reached the age of fifty or upwards but has felt this mighty truth rolling through his breast for centuries."
THE REASON WHY.—324.
An American wag says that the reason why more marriages take place in winter than in summer is because the gentlemen require comforters and the ladies muffs.
THE CLERGYMAN AND THE LAWYER.—325.
The following incident is of recent date, and the witness was a clergyman. Scene, a crowded court: trial, an action on the warranty of a horse, commonly called a horse cause. Witness, a clergyman, who was sworn in his examination-in-chief that in his opinion the horse was sound.—Counsel: Well, you don't know anything about horses. You're a parson, you know.—Witness: I have a good deal of knowledge respecting horses.—Counsel: You think you have, I dare say, but we may think otherwise. I wonder, now, whether you know the difference between a horse and a cow.—Witness: Yes, I dare say I do.—Counsel: Now, then, tell the jury the difference between a horse and a cow.—Witness: Gentlemen, one great difference between these two animals is, that the one has horns and the other has not; much the same difference, gentlemen, that exists between a bull and a bully (turning to counsel). (Roars of laughter, Judge joining.)—Counsel (very angrily): I dare say you thought that very funny, sir?—Witness: Well, I don't think it was bad, and several of the audience seem to be of the same opinion.