"‘You well remember,' added I, ‘how harshly you treated me at our last interview; when I was speaking to you of his illness, and proposing a way to save him from the threatened consequences of his complaint. After I left you I went directly to his house, and he no sooner learnt from my countenance that I had brought no favourable answer than his distemper increased. From that time, madam, he has been at the point of death; and I doubt whether your compassion would not now come too late to save his life.' The fear of your death alarmed her, and I saw her face change colour. ‘Is your account true?' she asked. ‘Has he actually no other disorder than what is occasioned by his love of me?' ‘Ah, madam!' I replied, ‘it is too true; would it were false!' ‘Do you believe,' said she, ‘that the hopes of seeing me would at all contribute to rescue him from his danger?' I answered, ‘Perhaps it may, and if you will permit me, I will try the remedy.'? ‘Well,' resumed she, sighing, ‘give him hopes of seeing me; but he must pretend to no other favours, unless he aspire to marry me, and obtains my father's consent.' ‘Madam,' replied I. ‘your goodness overcomes me; I will instantly seek the young gentleman, and tell him he is to have the pleasure of an interview with you.' ‘The best opportunity I can think of,' said she, ‘for granting him that favour, will be next Friday at the hour of noon prayers. Let him observe when my father goes out, and then, if his health permits him to be abroad, come and place himself opposite the house. I shall then see him from my window, and will come down and open the door for him: we will converse together during prayer-time; but he must depart before my father returns.'
"It is now Tuesday," continued the old lady "you have the interval between this and Friday to recover your strength, and make the necessary dispositions for the interview." While the good old lady was speaking, I felt my illness decrease, or rather, by the time she had done, I found myself perfectly recovered. "Here, take this," said I, reaching out to her my purse, which was full, "it is to you alone that I owe my cure. I reckon this money better employed than all that I gave the physicians, who have only tormented me during my illness."
When the lady was gone, I found I had strength enough to get up: and my relations finding me so well, complimented me on the occasion, and went home.
On Friday morning the old woman came, just as I was dressing, and choosing out the richest clothes in my wardrobe, said, "I do not ask you how you are, what you are about is intimation enough of your health; but will not you bathe before you go?" "That will take up too much time," I replied; "I will content myself with sending for a barber, to shave my head." Immediately I ordered one of my slaves to call a barber that could do his business cleverly and expeditiously.
The slave brought me the wretch you see here, who came, and after saluting me, said, "Sir, you look as if you were not well." I told him I was just recovered from a fit of sickness. "May God," resumed he, "deliver you from all mischance; may his grace always go along with you." "I hope he will grant your wish, for which I am obliged to you." "Since you are recovering from a fit of sickness," he continued, "I pray God preserve your health; but now let me know what I am to do; I have brought my razors and my lancets, do you desire to be shaved or to be bled?" I replied, "I am just recovered from a fit of sickness, and you may readily judge I only want to be shaved: come, do not lose time in prattling; for I am in haste, and have an appointment precisely at noon."
The barber spent much time in opening his case, and preparing his razors Instead of putting water into the basin, he took a very handsome astrolabe out of his case, and went very gravely out of my room to the middle of the court to take the height of the sun: he returned with the same grave pace, and entering my room, said, "Sir, you will be pleased to know this day is Friday the 18th of the moon Suffir, in the year 653, from the retreat of our great prophet from Mecca to Medina, and in the year 7320 of the epocha of the great Iskender with two horns; and that the conjunction of Mars and Mercury signifies you cannot choose a better time than this very day and hour for being shaved. But, on the other hand, the same conjunction is a bad presage to you. I learn from it, that this day you run a great risk, not indeed of losing your life, but of an inconvenience which will attend you while you live. You are obliged to me for the advice I now give you, to avoid this accident; I shall be sorry if it befall you."
You may guess, gentlemen, how vexed I was at having fallen into the hands of such a prattling, impertinent fellow; what an unseasonable adventure was it for a lover preparing for an interview with his mistress! I was quite irritated. "I care not," said I, in anger, "for your advice and predictions; I did not call you to consult your astrology; you came hither to shave me; shave me, or begone." "I will call another barber, sir," replied he, with a coolness that put me out of all patience; "what reason have you to be angry with me? You do not know, that all of my profession are not like me; and that if you made it your business to search, you would not find such another. You only sent for a barber; but here, in my person, you have the best barber in Bagdad, an experienced physician, a profound chemist, an infallible astrologer, a finished grammarian, a complete orator, a subtle logician, a mathematician perfectly well versed in geometry, arithmetic, astronomy, and all the refinements of algebra; an historian fully master of the histories of all the kingdoms of the universe. Besides, I understand all parts of philosophy. I have all our sacred traditions by heart. I am a poet, I am an architect; and what is it I am not? There is nothing in nature hidden from me. Your deceased father, to whose memory I pay a tribute of tears every time I think of him, was fully convinced of my merit; he was fond of me, and spoke of me in all companies as the first man in the world. Out of gratitude and friendship for him, I am willing to attach myself to you, to take you under my protection, and guard you from all the evils that your stars may threaten."
When I heard all this jargon, I could not forbear laughing, notwithstanding my anger. "You impertinent prattler!" said I, "will you have done, and begin to shave me?"
"Sir," replied the barber, "you affront me in calling me a prattler; on the contrary, all the world gives me the honourable title of Silent. I had six brothers, whom you might justly have called prattlers. These indeed were impertinent chatterers, but for me, who am a younger brother, I am grave and concise in my discourse."
For God's sake, gentlemen, do but suppose you had been in my place. What could I say when I saw myself so cruelly delayed? "Give him three pieces of gold," said I to the slave who was my housekeeper, "and send him away, that he may disturb me no more; I will not be shaved this day." "Sir," said the barber, "pray what do you mean? I did not come to seek for you, you sent for me; and as that is the case I swear by the faith of a Moosulmaun, I will not stir out of these doors till I have shaved you. If you do not know my value, it is not my fault. Your deceased father did me more justice. Every time he sent for me to let him blood, he made me sit down by him, and was charmed with hearing what witty things I said. I kept him in a continual strain of admiration; I elevated him; and when I had finished my discourse, ‘My God,' he would exclaim, ‘you are an inexhaustible source of science, no man can reach the depth of your knowledge.' ‘My dear sir,' I would answer, ‘you do me more honour than deserve. If I say anything that is worth hearing, it is owing to the favourable audience you vouchsafe me; it is your liberality that inspires me with the sublime thoughts which have the happiness to please you.' One day, when he was charmed with an admirable discourse I had made him, he said, ‘Give him a hundred pieces of gold, and invest him with one of my richest robes.' I instantly received the present. I then drew his horoscope, and found it the happiest in the world. Nav. I carried my gratitude further; I let him blood with cupping-glasses."