You may easily imagine that my brother was not a little surprised at this sort of welcome. “My good friends,” said he to them, “I really know not what you wish of me; you without doubt take me for another person.”—“No, no,” replied they, “we are not ignorant that you and your comrades are free-booters. You were not satisfied with having robbed our master of all he possessed, and reducing him to beggary, but even wished to take his life. Let us see if you have not the knife about you, which you had in your hand when we pursued you last night.” Having said this, they began to search him, and perceived that he had a knife. “So, so,” cried they in taking it, “and have you the assurance still to deny that you are a robber?”—“What,” then answered my brother, “cannot a man carry a knife in his pocket, without being a thief? Listen to my story,” added he, “and instead of having a bad opinion of me, you will even be affected at my misfortunes.” So far, however, were they from listening to it, that they immediately fell upon him, trod upon him, pulled off his clothes, tore his shirt; and then observing the scars upon his back, “Ah, rascal,” they cried, redoubling their blows, “do you wish to make us believe you are an honest man, when your back is so covered with scars?”—“Alas,” cried my brother, “my sins must be very great, since, after having been once before so unjustly treated, I am served so a second time without being the least culpable.”
The two servants paid no attention to my brother’s complaints; but carried him before the judge of the police. “How dare you,” said the judge, “break into people’s houses, and pursue them with a knife in your hand?”—“My lord,” answered poor Alcouz, “I am one of the most innocent men in the world. I shall be undone, if you will not do me the favour patiently to listen to me. No person is more worthy of compassion than I am.”—“Sir,” cried one of the domestics at this instant, “will you listen for a moment to a robber, who breaks into people’s houses, pillages them, and murders the inhabitants? If you refuse to give us credit, look at his back, and that will prove enough.” When he had said this, they uncovered my brother’s back, and showed it to the judge, who immediately ordered him to receive upon the spot a hundred strokes, with a leathern strap, on his shoulders, without inquiring any farther into the matter: he then commanded him to be led through the city upon a camel, with a crier going before him, calling out, “this is the way they punish those who forcibly break into houses.”
When this ceremony was over, they set him down without the town, and forbad him ever to enter it again. Some people, who accidentally met him after this second disgraceful event, informed me where he was. I directly set out to find him, and then brought him secretly to Bagdad, where I did every thing, as far as I was able, to assist him.
The caliph Mostanser Billah (continued the barber), did not laugh so much at this history as at the others; for he had the goodness of heart to commiserate the unfortunate Alcouz. He then wished to give me something, and send me away; but without giving them time to obey his orders, I said, “You may now have observed, most sovereign lord and master, that I speak very little. Since your majesty has had the goodness to listen to me thus far, and as you express a wish to hear the adventures of my two other brothers, I hope and trust they will not afford you less amusement than what you have already heard. You may then make a most complete history of them, which will not be unworthy of being placed amongst your archives.”
THE HISTORY
OF THE BARBER’S FIFTH BROTHER.
I have the honour to inform you, that the name of my fifth brother was Alnaschar, who, while he lived with my father, was excessively idle: instead of working for his bread, he was not ashamed of demanding sufficient for his support every evening, and to live upon it the next day. Our father at last died at a very advanced period of life, and all he left us consisted of seven hundred drachms of silver. We divided it equally among us, and each took one hundred for his share. Alnaschar, who had never before been in possession of so much money at a time, found himself very much embarrassed with the disposal of it. He debated a long time in his own mind on this subject, and at last determined to lay it out in the purchase of glasses, bottles, and other glass articles, which he went to get at a large wholesale merchant’s. He put the whole of his stock into an open basket, and fixed upon a very small shop, where he sat down with the basket before him; and, leaning his back against the wall, waited for customers to buy his merchandise.
While he was remaining in this attitude, with his eyes fixed upon his basket, he began to meditate; and in the midst of his reverie, he pronounced the following speech sufficiently loud for a tailor, who was his neighbour, to hear him. “This basket,” said he, “cost me one hundred drachms, and that is all I am worth in the world. In selling its contents by retail, I shall do well in making two hundred drachms: and of these two hundred which I shall employ again in glass ware, I shall make four hundred drachms. By continuing this traffic, I shall, in process of time, amass the sum of four thousand drachms. With these four thousand, I shall easily make eight. And as soon as I am worth ten thousand, I will leave off selling glass ware and turn jeweller. I will then deal in diamonds, pearls, and all sorts of precious stones. When I shall be in possession of as much wealth as I wish, I will purchase a beautiful house, large estates, eunuchs, slaves, and horses. I will entertain handsomely and largely, and shall make some noise in the world. I will make all the musicians and dancers, both male and female, who live in the city, come to my house. Nor will I remain satisfied, till I have realized, if it shall please God, one hundred thousand drachms. And when I shall become thus rich, I shall think myself equal to a prince; and I will send and demand the daughter of the grand vizier in marriage, and represent to him that I have heard most astonishing reports of the beauty, wisdom, wit, and every other good quality of his daughter: and in short, that I will bestow upon her, the very night of our nuptials, a thousand pieces of gold. If the vizier should be so ill-bred as to refuse me his daughter, though I know that will not be the case, I will go and take her away before his face, and bring her home in spite of him.
As soon as I shall have married the grand vizier’s daughter, I will purchase ten very young and well-made black eunuchs for her. I will dress myself like a prince; and will parade through the town, mounted on a fine horse, the saddle of which shall be of pure gold, and the caparisons of gold stuff, relieved with diamonds and pearls. I will be accompanied by slaves, who shall go both before and behind me, and will thus proceed to the palace of the vizier, with the eyes of all fixed upon me, both nobles and others, who will make me the most profound reverence as I go along. When I shall have dismounted at the grand vizier’s, and come to the bottom of the staircase, I will ascend between my people, ranged in two rows to the right and left; and the grand vizier, in receiving me for his son-in-law, shall give me his place, and seat himself before me, in order to show me the more respect. If all this should happen, as I hope it will, two of my men shall have a purse, each containing one thousand pieces of gold, which I had ordered them to bring. I will then take one of them, and in presenting it to the grand vizier will say, “Behold the thousand pieces of gold, which I have promised you on the first night of my marriage.” Then offering him the other, I will add, “This is not all; to show you that I am a man of my word, and to prove that I give you more than I promise, receive this other purse of equal value.” After such an act as this, my generosity will be the conversation of all the world.
I will then return home with the same pomp. My wife shall send some officer to compliment me on my visit to her father. I will bestow a beautiful robe of honor on the officer, and send him back with a rich present. If in return she shall wish to make me a present, I will refuse it; and dismiss the person who brings it. I will not, moreover, permit her to leave her apartments upon any account whatever, without first consulting me; and, whenever I wish to go to her, it shall always be in a way that shall impress her with the greatest respect for me. In short, no house shall be so well regulated as mine. I will always appear magnificently dressed; and, whenever I wish to pass the evening with her, I will sit in the most honorable seat, where I will affect a grave and solemn air; nor will I turn my head to the right or left. I will speak but little: and while my wife, beautiful as the moon at the full, presents herself before me in all her splendor, I will pretend not to see her. Her women, who will be standing round her, shall say, “My dear lord and master, behold your spouse, the humblest of your slaves, before you. She is waiting for you to caress her; and is much mortified that you do not deign to take the least notice of her. She is greatly fatigued at standing thus long before you; at least, then, give her leave to sit down.” I will not answer a word to this speech, at which their surprise and grief would be much augmented. They will then throw themselves at my feet; and after they shall have remained there a considerable time, entreating and begging me to yield to them, I will at last lift up my head, and casting upon her a sort of negligent unmeaning glance, will then return to my former state. Thinking, perhaps, that my wife may not either be well or properly dressed, they will lead her back to her room, in order to change her habit; and, in the mean time, I will return to my apartment and put on a more magnificent dress than I had before. They will then return a second time; will address the same speech; and I shall again have the pleasure of not looking at my wife, till they shall have prayed and entreated me as long and earnestly as before. And I will thus begin, on the very first day of my marriage, to teach her how she may expect to be treated, during the remainder of her life.