THE WAR: A-Z

An Austrian Archduke, assaulted and assailed,
Broke Belgium's barriers, by Britain bewailed,
Causing consternation, confused chaotic crises;
Diffusing destructive, death dealing devices.
England engaged earnestly, eager every ear,
France fought furiously, forsaking foolish fear,
Great German garrisons grappled Gallic guard,
Hohenzollern Hussars hammered, heavy, hard.
Infantry, Imperial, Indian, Irish, intermingling,
Jackets jaunty, joking, jesting, jostling, jingling.
Kinetic, Kruppised Kaiser, kingdom's killing knight,
Laid Louvain lamenting, London lacking light,
Mobilising millions, marvellous mobility,
Numberless nonentities, numerous nobility.
Oligarchies olden opposed olive offering,
Prussia pressed Paris, Polish protection proffering,
Quaint Quebec quickly quartered quotidian quota,
Renascent Russia, resonant, reported regal rota.
Scotch soldiers, sterling, songs stalwart sung,
"Tipperary" thundered through titanic tongue.
United States urging unarmament, unwanted,
Visualised victory vociferously vaunted,
Wilson's warnings wasted, world war wild,
Xenian Nanthochroi Nantippically X-iled.
Yorkshire's young yeomen yelling youthfully,
"Zigzag Zeppelins, Zuyder Zee."
John R. Edwards.

LINES TO MISS FLORENCE HUNTINGDON

Sweet maiden of Passamaquoddy
Shall we seek for communion of souls
Where the deep Mississippi meanders
Or the distant Saskatchewan rolls?
Ah, no!—for in Maine I will find thee
A sweetly sequestrated nook,
Where the far-winding Skoodoowabskooksis
Conjoins with the Skoodoowabskook.
There wander two beautiful rivers,
With many a winding and crook:
The one is the Skoodoowabskooksis;
The other, the Skoodoowabskook.
Ah, sweetest of haunts! though unmentioned
In geography, atlas, or book,
How fair is the Skoodoowabskooksis,
When joining the Skoodoowabskook!

Our cot shall be close by the waters,
Within that sequestrated nook,
Reflected by Skoodoowabskooksis,
And mirrored in Skoodoowabskook.
You shall sleep to the music of leaflets,
By zephyrs in wantonness shook,
To dream of the Skoodoowabskooksis,
And, perhaps, of the Skoodoowabskook.
Your food shall be fish from the waters,
Drawn forth on the point of a hook,
From murmuring Skoodoowabskooksis,
Or meandering Skoodoowabskook.
You shall quaff the most sparkling of waters,
Drawn forth from a silvery brook,
Which flows to the Skoodoowabskooksis,
And so to the Skoodoowabskook.
And you shall preside at the banquet,
And I shall wait on you as cook;
And we'll talk of the Skoodoowabskooksis,
And sing of the Skoodoowabskook.
Let others sing loudly of Saco,
Of Quoddy and Tattamagouche,
Of Kenebeccasis and Quaco,
Of Merigoniche and Buctouche,
Of Nashwaak and Magaguadavique,
Or Memmerimammericook:—
There's none like the Skoodoowabskooksis,
Excepting the Skoodoowabskook!
Unknown.

TO MY NOSE

Knows he that never took a pinch,
Nosey, the pleasure thence which flows,
Knows he the titillating joys
Which my nose knows?
O Nose, I am as proud of thee
As any mountain of its snows,
I gaze on thee, and feel that pride
A Roman knows!
Albert A. Forrester (Alfred Crowquill).

A POLKA LYRIC