The Seven Hundred and Eighty-first Night,
Dunyazad said to her, "Allah upon thee, O my sister, an thou be other than sleepy, finish for us thy tale that we may cut short the watching of this our latter night." She replied, "With love and good will!" It hath reached me, O auspicious King, the director, the right-guiding, lord of the rede which is benefiting and of deeds fair-seeming and worthy celebrating, that the woman gave to her lover the geese which she had fried and he took the twain and fared away with them. Now when it was noon suddenly her husband came home accompanied by a friend and knocked at the door; so she arose and opened to him and admitted them. Then she asked, "And hast thou brought only one man?[484] hie thee forth and fetch at least two or better still three." "'Tis well," said he and went off to do her bidding. Then the woman accosted the guest who came first and cried, "Oh the pity of it! By Allah thou art lost and the Lá Haul of Allah[485] is upon thee and doubtless thou hast no children." Now when the man heard these words he exclaimed, "Why, O Woman?" for indeed fear and affright had sunk deep into his heart. She rejoined, "Verily my husband hath not brought thee hither save with the intention of cutting off thy precious stones the honours of thy yard[486] and of gelding thee to a Castrato; and heigho and alas for thee whether thou die or whether thou live, and Oh the pity of it for thee!" Now when the man heard this speech, he arose in haste and hurry and rushed out by the door, when behold, the husband came bringing with him two of his familiars. So the wife met him at the entrance and said to him, "O Man, O miserablest of men, O thou disappointed, O thou dissatisfied,[487] thou hast brought to me a fellow which was a thief, a ne'er-do-well like unto thyself." "How so?" asked he, and she answered, "The man stole the two geese and stole away." Thereupon the husband went out and catching sight of the guest running off shouted to him, "Come back! Come back! even although thou bring only one with thee and take the other." Cried the man in reply, "An thou catch me do thou take thee the two." But the house-master meant the two geese whilst the man who was running away thought only of himself, saying in his mind, "This one speaketh of my ballocks, meaning that he will take only one of my stones[488] and leave me the other." So he ceased not running and the other followed after him, but being unable to catch him he returned to his guests and served them with somewhat of bread and so forth, whilst the woman kept blaming him and knagging about the matter of the geese which she said had been carried off, but which had been given by her to her lover. The husband enjoined her to silence; however she would not hold her peace[489] and on this wise he was balked of the meal to feed his wife's friend. And now (quoth Shahrazad) I will relate to you somewhat of the wiles of an honest woman, and thereupon she fell to recounting the adventure of
THE KAZI SCHOOLED BY HIS WIFE.
It is related of a man which was a Kazi that he had a wife of the virtuous and the righteous and of the charitable and the pitiful to the orphan and the pauper; and the same was beautiful exceedingly. Her husband held and was certified anent womankind that all and every were like unto his spouse; so that when any male masculant came into his court[490] complaining about his rib he would deliver his decision that the man was a wrongdoer and that the woman was wronged. On such wise he did because he saw that his wife was the pink of perfection and he opined that the whole of her sex resembled her, and he knew naught of the wickedness and debauchery of the genus and their sorcery and their contrariety and the cunning contrivance wherewith they work upon men's wits. He abode all careless of such matters, in consequence of the virtues of his spouse, until one chance day of the days when suddenly a man came to him with a grievance about his better half and showed how he had been evil entreated by her and how her misconduct was manifest and public. But when the man laid his case before the Kazi and enlarged upon his charge, the Judge determined that he was in tort and that his wife was in the right; so the complainant went forth the court as one deaf and blind who could neither hear nor see. Moreover he was perplexed as to his affair, unknowing what he should do in the matter of his helpmate and wherefore the Kazi had determined contrary to justice that he had ill-used his spouse. Now as to the Kazi's wife none could forgather with her;[491] so the plaintiff was distraught and confounded when he was met unexpectedly on the way by one who asked him, "What may be thy case, O certain person, and how hath it befallen thee with the Kazi in the matter of thy rib?" "He hath given sentence," quoth the man, "that I am the wrong-doer and that she is the wronged, and I know not how I shall act." Whereupon quoth the other, "Return and take thy station hard by the entrance to the Judge's Harem and place thyself under the protection of its inmates." The man did as his friend advised him and knocked, when a handmaiden came out and he said to her, "O Damsel, 'tis my desire that thou send me hither thy lady, so I may bespeak her with a single word." She went in and informed her mistress[492] who rose and humoured him, and standing veiled behind the door asked, "What is to do with thee, O man?" "O my lady," said he, "I place myself under thy ward and thine honour, so thou enable me to get justice of my wife and overcome her and prevail over her, for in very deed she hath wronged me and disgraced me. I came to complain of her ill-conduct before His Honour our lord the Kazi, yet he hath determined that I am the wrong-doer and have injured her while she is the wronged. I know not what I shall do with him, and sundry of the folk have informed me that thou art of the beneficent; so I require that thou charge for me the Judge to deliver according to Holy Law his decree between me and my mate." Quoth she, "Go thou and take thy rest, nor do thou return to him until he shall have sent after thee, and fear not aught from him at all." "Allah increase thy weal, O my lady," quoth he, and he left her and went about his business pondering his case and saying to himself in mind, "Oh would Heaven I wot whether the Kazi's wife will protect me and deliver me from this fornicatress, this adulteress, who hath outraged me and carried away my good and driven me forth from her." Now when it was night-tide and the Judge was at leisure from his commandments, he went into his Harem, and it was his wife's custom whenever he returned home to meet him at the middle doorway. But as on that occasion she failed so to do, he walked into the apartment wherein she woned and found her at prayers; then he recalled to mind the contention of the man who had come to him with a grievance against his spouse—And Shahrazad was surprised by the dawn of day and fell silent and ceased saying her permitted say. Then quoth her sister Dunyazad, "How sweet and tasteful is thy tale, O sister mine, and how enjoyable and delectable!" Quoth she, "And where is this compared with that I would relate on the coming night an the Sovran suffer me to survive?" Now when it was the next night and that was