"I cannot tell what I might have become while in prison, had I been left altogether to myself. All men seemed to have forgotten me entirely, but God had not even then deserted me. He had pity on me in my extremity, and by an extraordinary dispensation of His Providence, sent to me that very clergyman in whose house I had seen the portrait which so resembled my father. My first words when I saw him were, 'You see I was right: my father's curse is following me, and you see to what a state it has brought me.' 'No,' replied he, 'this is not the effect of your father's anger; it is the consequence of the curse of sin. If you had seriously turned to God, He whose property is always to have mercy and to forgive would assuredly have delivered you from that curse, and would have turned it into a blessing.'
"I refused to listen to these words, and obstinately persisted in saying that God had doomed me to misery, and that nothing could alter my fate. 'Take care,' said the clergyman, solemnly, 'that you do not provoke God's anger still more by your rash and inconsiderate words. He has surely shown you, plainly enough, that to rebel against Him is the act of none but a madman. Tell me, have you ever tried to free yourself from your load of sin? Have you ever prayed earnestly for God's help to deliver you out of your troubles?' 'No, said I, 'I have never tried. I cannot do so! I am suffering beneath the weight of an unjust curse, while thousands of other men, who are worse than I am, never suffer any punishment at all, but prosper in all they undertake.' 'My answer to that,' said the good man, 'must be, that you who have studied for the ministry, as you told me, must know, on the authority of God's own word, that one single sin is sufficient for a man's condemnation; how can you then dare to call your punishment unjust? As to your objection that thousands of men are never punished for their offences in this world, that can have no weight; for, even if no punishment reaches them here, they cannot escape at the great Day of Judgment in the world to come. You ought rather to thank God for the just chastisement you have received, which is a proof that His pity and His love are not yet wholly withdrawn from you. Every misfortune you have undergone is as the voice of God calling you to serious repentance. Remember, "whom the Lord loveth He chasteneth," and beware lest by your obstinacy you bring down His wrath upon your head.'
"I could not answer such arguments as these; but though my reason was convinced, my heart was untouched. On leaving me, the clergyman gave me a New Testament, and persuaded me to read it with attention, and particularly recommended me to meditate prayerfully upon the Epistle to the Romans. He then left me, and promised to come and see me again. When he had gone, I thought to myself there could be very little good in my reading the book he had left me. In my university studies, I had read it so often, that I knew pretty well what it contained, and I did not expect to find anything in it that I did not know before. Accordingly, I left it unopened for some days, and it was only to divert my melancholy thoughts that I at length, for want of anything else to read, opened the Testament, and began to read the Epistle to the Romans. 'Is this indeed the same epistle that I used to read at the university?' was my first thought, when I had read a few verses. It was indeed the same, word for word; there was no alteration in the book, but since I last read it, I myself had undergone a change. Since that time, I had passed through the rough school of adversity, and the experience of years had shown me more than I then knew of the corruption of my own heart. When I read the words, 'That every mouth may be stopped, and all the world may become guilty before God' (Rom. iii. 19), I was filled with terror, and to this was added an overwhelming sense of the infinite majesty of God, whose goodness and justice I had so lately dared to question. Then I came to the passage, 'For God hath concluded them all in unbelief, that He might have mercy upon all, O the depth of the riches both of the wisdom and knowledge of God! how unsearchable are His judgments, and His ways past finding out! For who hath known the mind of the Lord? or who hath been His counsellor? or who hath first given to Him, and it shall be recompensed unto him again? For of Him, and through Him, and to Him are all things; to whom be glory for ever. Amen.' (Rom. xi. 32-36.) Upon this, a ray of hope dawned upon my heart, and I cried out with emotion, 'O God, since Thou hast mercy on all who come to Thee, have mercy also on me.'
"Little by little my heart was softened, and tears of true penitence streamed from my eyes. I was weeping when the clergyman came to see me again. 'God be praised,' said he, as he entered, seeing the tears in my eyes, 'God be praised, for He has had compassion on your soul.' I could not answer, for my heart was too full for words. He then knelt down with me, and prayed with much earnestness, that God would carry on the good work He had begun in me; and as he prayed, I was deeply affected, and at last I too called aloud to God for mercy. This cry was not in vain; the peace of God descended upon my heart, and I was enabled to believe in the possibility of obtaining pardon for all my sins, through faith in a crucified Saviour. After this, I found myself in a much happier frame of mind. I acknowledged that I had been a miserable sinner, and that but for the infinite mercy of the Most High, I must have perished in my sins; I saw now that all my misfortunes had been in reality a token of the loving-kindness and tender mercy of Him, who 'willeth not the death of a sinner, but rather that he should be converted and live.' The Word of God, which for so many years had been a dead letter to me, had now become a source of sweet and life-giving nourishment to my soul; and I spent the greater part of my time while in prison in reading and meditating upon the precious volume. The clergyman offered to lend me some other books; but I declined them all, telling him that the Book of books was enough for me.
"After this worthy man had thus attended to my spiritual wants, he busied himself in endeavouring to set me free from my unhappy confinement. By his exertions, and those of several friends, whom he had interested in my behalf, it was not long before I was set at liberty. I was glad to be once more a free man, but could not regret my imprisonment, inasmuch as it was in the prison that I had been led to a knowledge of Him 'whose service is perfect freedom.' The kind friends who had interested themselves in me provided me with a small sum of money, with which I took a little cottage by the sea-side; and having bought a small boat and some nets, I was able to get my living all through the summer as a fisherman, and supported myself during the winter by making baskets, which I sold in the neighbouring town. I begged my good friend the clergyman to give me the portrait so like my father, which had caused me such terror when I first saw it in his house, but which I could now look upon without distress of mind, knowing that I had obtained grace and pardon from my heavenly Father. On receiving it, I hung it up over the fireplace in my humble cottage."
CHAPTER IX.
Accepts the Command of a Ship—The Pirates—The Fight—Victory—Meets an Old Friend—His Friend's Adventures.
"Come, peace of mind, delightful guest!
Return and make thy downy nest
Once more in this sad heart:
Nor riches I, nor power pursue,
Nor hold forbidden joys in view;
We therefore need not part."
—COWPER.
"The blessing of Heaven seemed to rest upon my humble employment, and I was not only able to earn sufficient to keep myself, but was able to lay by a little money from time to time, so that within two years I saved sufficient to repay my kind friends the money they had lent me to start with. Among those who had interested themselves in my welfare was a rich merchant who was the owner of several ships; and on the death of the captain of one of these, he wrote to me and offered me the command of it. I did not at all like the idea of leaving my peaceful cottage, where for nearly two years I had lived a very happy and contented life, studying the Word of God, and rejoicing in His mercy, but at the same time I did not think it my duty positively to decline such an offer as this without careful consideration.
"In this state of uncertainty, I resolved to consult my good friend the clergyman, from whom I had no secrets, and who had already rendered me so many services. I did so, and his first question was, whether I had really considered the motives which led me to think of accepting the offer, and if I was quite sure that I was not influenced by the desire of riches, or any contempt for my present humble lot. I replied truly that no such idea had ever entered my head. I was quite contented and happy in my present employment, but I hoped to be able, by means of an increased income, to pay all my old creditors in full, and perhaps lay by some provision for my old age. Satisfied with this explanation, he advised me by all means to accept the appointment, and added that he himself had induced the merchant to make me the offer. Having now no longer any doubt as to which was the right course to pursue, I let my cottage to a fisherman, and taking the portrait of my father with me, I set sail, full of confidence in God's protecting care.