I.
Question.—"An aged widow would like to live with her married daughter, but their dispositions are incompatible. The mother is very fond of the daughter, but the daughter finds it impossible to respond or feel affectionate, and is so irritated and critical because of the mother's old-fashioned ways, etc., that continued close association becomes very unpleasant.
"Who is to blame, and what can the mother do to improve the situation?
"Mutual Wellwisher."
Answer.—There is no "blame" in the problem as stated. Incompatibility of disposition is not a crime. If, however, the daughter allows her irritation and critical attitude to result in actual discussion and expressed disapproval of her mother's "old-fashioned ways," then she is certainly to blame; whether her mother is a guest or a boarder, she is not her daughter's pupil.
Again, if the mother allows herself to interfere with the daughter's "ways," she is to blame for that; her period of tutoring is past. Ex-parents should not presume on their unavoidable relationship to give instruction to ex-children.
The real answer is a long way back, being to this effect:
The aged widow, when a young woman, should have had such large practical interest in life, over and above her family, that she would not be reduced to the position of "living with a married daughter; or, if she did live with her, would have enough else to occupy her to keep her "old-fashioned ways" in the background. Further, if she had kept up with human progress in some business, her ways wouldn't be so old-fashioned.
The Practical Answer to the Practical Question, "What can the mother do to improve the situation?" is not difficult. She can (a) alter her ways; (b) live somewhere else; (c) if neither of these is possible, she can put it clearly to the daughter, "as man to man," that she has to live with her, that she cannot learn new ways, and that they must use mutual politeness in accommodating one an other as far as possible.
It is a very carefully worded problem, this. If the daughter is healthy and otherwise contented, she ought to furnish the patience, as doubtless the mother did in her time. But it may be that the mother always irritated the daughter, in her youth, and has never never learned better.