MRS. BROWN AND THE GERMAN BAND
Oh, I don’t think as I ever did ’ave sich a ’ead-ache as that arter we’d been to ’Ampton Court, as I do believe a-settin’ on the grass ’ad struck to me, and cold weal and ’am pie and cowcumber is wittles as along with lobster salad and red currant tart you did ought to be cautious ’ow you takes, and not ’urry thro’ it with all that confusion, and you don’t know what you are a-takin’. And young ’Awkins as were attentive to me kep’ a-fillin’ up my plate and glass every time as I turned my ’ead away a minit, as ’ave know’d ’im from a child, and what with the confusion at the train a-gettin’ back, I were that dizzy as I got into the wrong cab, as thro’ a mistake drove me werry near to Nottin’-’ill afore I could make the stupid feller understand as I wanted South Lambeth, and then to stand me out as I said Bayswater.
It was past one in the mornin’ when I got ’ome, and ’ad to knock Brown up, as were that savage, and all his own fault thro’ not a-lookin’ arter me at the Waterloo Station, thro’ ’avin’ got out at Wauxall, as is certingly nearest, thro’ bein’ not five minits from our door, yet ’ow was I to know as we’d got parted a-gettin’ into the train, and me that dead beat as to fall asleep the werry moment as I were in the train, and never opened my eyes till the man come for the ticket, and a nice trouble I ’ad to find mine and every one in the carriage a-goin’ on at me as is their larkin’ ways of a Sunday night.
Well, as I said afore never did I ’ave sich a ’eadache, as were downright splittin’, and openin’ and a-shettin’ jest like water-works. I ’adn’t took no dinner, so was a-thinkin’ as I’d ’ave a early cup of tea, and was a-settin’ quiet in my front parlour with the blinds drawed down, a-thinkin’ as I might get a nap and be fresh for my tea.
THE DIVISION OF LABOUR.
How would it be if they changed instruments?
I’d put my feet up on the sofy, as isn’t a thing as I do one time in a thousand, and was a-droppin’ off, when of all the ’owlin’, gruntin’ and squeakin’ noises as ever you ’eard it broke out in our street. I says, “they must be lunatics broke loose, a-makin’ free with them hinstruments, as wouldn’t never make that noise left to theirselves or used proper.”
I gets up and goes to the winder, and I see about four of them German boys a-playin’ away on trombones, like mad, and one on ’em a-tryin’ our gate.