The miller smiled and said, “You just rest easy, my friend. It’s all right. I put that danger sign there on purpose to attract the boys to that part of the pond. You see the water is only a foot deep there, but away on the other side it’s twenty feet deep. If I’d a put the danger sign over there, then they’d all gone over there. So I put it over here. Catch on?”
A CRANKY COUPLE
On the way to the minister’s house to be married a couple had a fall-out, and when the woman was asked: “Would she take this man for her wedded husband?” she said, “No!” And the man said, “Why—what’s the matter with you?” and she said, “Well, I’ve taken a sudden dislike to you.”
They went away without being married, but they made it all up in a few days’ time and went to the minister’s house again. But, when the man was asked, “Would he have this woman for his wedded wife?” he, to get even, answered, “No!” and then she said, “What’s the matter with you, now?” and he said, “Oh, nothin’, only I’ve tuk a sudden dislike to you.”
They went away again, again made it up, and again came to the minister’s house, rang the bell, and when the minister appeared, the man said, “Well, parson, here we are again. We’ll make it good this time, sure; third time proves, you know.” And the minister said “No—he guessed he didn’t care to marry them.” And then they both said, “Why, what’s the matter with you, now?” and he said, “Well, I’ve taken a sudden dislike to both of you!”
SO MANY BALD HEADS
Thirty-six years after the date of the battle of Gettysburg, the veteran survivors of a Pennsylvania regiment were holding their first reunion in that celebrated town. In the forenoon they dedicated their monument on the field of “The First Day’s Fight,” and in the afternoon they were to hold a business meeting in the Post Room of the local G. A. R. On that day accommodations were quite inadequate in Gettysburg, and the Post Room was in consequence occupied nearly every hour of the day by some of the various organizations there assembled, so that when it came the turn of this particular regiment to occupy the room, the Seventh Pennsylvania Cavalry was still in session. They waited outside until the cavalrymen were through, and then filed in. One who was there says:
“As we went in, I noticed a man going in beside me, tall, well-formed, with a very fine head of coal-black hair, and rather the worse for drink. I wondered who he was, for I knew nearly every man in the regiment, but I couldn’t place that man.
“Well, when we were all seated, and General Wister took the gavel in hand to rap to order, this black-haired man arose slowly and somewhat uncertainly, saluted and said:
“‘Cap’n, before you read the minutes and proceed to business, I’d like to ask a question. What, hic, regiment is this that’s holding a reunion here?’