In 1905 I got burned out again, and I took to drink and soon went through with the interest on what I owed, which was all I had left. My wife run away and left me all the children to take care of. I don’t care for anybody and nothing surprises me any more. Now if you feel like tackeling me pitch in, I’ll have to stand it, I suppose. But let me give you a gentle tip, getting money out of me is like stuffing butter in a keyhole with a hot awl.
You speak of making no effort to adjust this bill; what is the use? If steam boats were worth two cents apiece I couldn’t buy a gang plank. You ask if I thought it would of been more manly to of acknowledged the truth. I answer no, by the way, I don’t expect anything but to be pestered by lawyers, collection sharks and other humbugs and grafters, until this pestilence relieves me from their clutches. Be for I die I am going to Petition heigh heaven for a shower of fire and destruction on the whole bunch. And I will particular pray that the storm spend most of its fury on that southern hamlet where you claim to get your mail.
Maliciously and disrespectfully yours,
----.
THE FORBIDDEN FRUIT
Father had bought and planted a number of dwarf pear trees in the yard around the house. He watched their growth and development with great interest for several years, and when at last one of the trees produced just one pear, all the children in the house were straitly and strictly forbidden to pull that pear off the tree. “Whoever pulls that pear off the tree will get a whipping, and a good one.”
The pear grew larger daily, and riper and more lusciously tempting. How the sight of it made our mouths water—especially as it was forbidden to pull it off! However, some one of the children, carefully reasoning that it was not forbidden to touch the pear, nor even to eat it, only that it must not be “pulled off”—bent down the limb that bore it, ate the juicy fruit, and left the core hanging on the tree!
KEEN CUTTERS
They were sitting opposite me in the smoking car, two traveling salesmen, having a quiet game of cards and sharpening their wits between deals with quips, quirks and conundrums.