“Lets look in the Bible,” some one suggested, and the Good Book was overhauled in vain. Nobody could find the place, some insisting it was in Chronicles somewhere, while other authorities were equally certain of Corinthians. Then an encyclopedia was appealed to, but it was not entirely satisfactory, for it included Thomas and Andrew in the list, and that would make one too many—thirteen, an unlucky number. Besides, the justice of the Supreme Court and two senators were positive that Andrew was not an apostle—all of which teaches the great usefulness and the pressing need of Sunday-schools.
THE REAR GUARD
Artemus Ward was traveling on a slow-going southern road soon after the war. While the conductor was punching his ticket, Artemus remarked: “Does this railroad company allow passengers to give it advice, if they do so in a respectful manner?” The conductor replied in gruff tones that he guessed so. “Well,” Artemus went on, “it has occurred to me that it would be well, perhaps, to detach the cow-catcher from the front of the engine and hitch it to the rear of the train. For, you see, we are not likely to overtake a cow; but what’s to prevent a cow strolling into this car and biting the passengers?”
THE TURKEY WAS TAME
A gentleman who was buying a turkey from old Uncle Ephraim asked him, in making the purchase, if it was a tame turkey.
“Oh, yais, sir; it’s a tame tu’key all right.”
“Now, Ephraim, are you sure it’s a tame turkey?”
“Oh, yais, sir; dere’s no so’t o’ doubt ’bout dat. It’s a tame tu’key all right.”
He consequently bought the turkey, and a day or two later, when eating it, came across several shot. Later on, when he met old Ephraim on the street, he said:
“Well, Ephraim, you told me that was a tame turkey, but I found some shot in it when I was eating it.”