They made it up somehow, and Mr. Lovejoy began to call again, evidently with better results. For, one rainy day the father of the household was looking everywhere in the hall for his umbrella. “Where’s my umbrella, Annie?” asked he. “I believe somebody has carried it off.” And Bobbie said, “Annie’s beau stole it.” And Annie said, “Bobbie! how dare you say such a thing of Mr. Lovejoy?” And Bobbie said, “I know he did, because when he was giving you good-night at the hat-rack last night, I heard him say as plain as could be, ‘I’m going to steal just one!’”
ALMOST WON THE BET
Two Irish hod-carriers were arguing about their ability to carry their hods safely to the top of a high building. One said he could carry a tumbler of water on top of his load without spilling a drop. And Pat said, “Ach! a tumbler of water! Why, Mike, I could carry you in my hod to the top of this ten-story buildin’ without spillin’ you.” And Mike said, “I bet you tin dollars you can’t.” “Done!” said Pat. “Get into my hod.”
Mike got in, and up Pat went quickly and safely until he came to the sixth floor, when all of a sudden his foot slipped off the rung of the ladder and his hod pitched, threatening to deposit its cargo on the sidewalk seventy-five feet below. But with a mighty effort he steadied himself, grasped his hod tight and proceeded to the top safely, where he deposited Mike on the floor of the scaffolding with, “There, Mike, I’ve won the bet. Out wid yer tin dollars.” “Sure, ye did, Pat,” said Mike, “the tin is yours, but whin ye got to the sixth flure, an’ stoombled—be gob, I thought I had ye!”
THE USE OF RICHES
In a sleeping car one morning not long ago a Vermont man was accosted by his neighbor opposite, who was putting on his shoes, with the inquiry: “My friend, allow me to inquire, are you a rich man?” The Vermonter looked astonished, but answered the pleasant-faced, tired-looking gentleman with a “Yes, I am tolerably rich.” A pause occurred, and then came another question, “How rich are you?” He answered, “Oh—about seven or eight hundred thousand. Why?” “Well,” said the weary-looking old man, “if I were as rich as you say you are, and went traveling, and snored as loud as I know you do, I’d hire a whole sleeper all for myself every time I went traveling.”
A PRAYER THAT WAS ANSWERED
An old darkey who was asked if in his experience prayer was ever answered, replied: “Well, sah, some pra’rs is ansud an’ some isn’t—’pends on what yo’ asks fo’? Jest arter de wah, w’en it was mighty hard scratchin’ fo’ de cullud brudren, I ’bsarved dat w’enebber I pway de Lo’d to sen’ one o’ Massa Peyton’s fat turkeys fo’ de ole man, dere was no notice took o’ de partition; but—w’en I pway dat he would sen’ de ole man fo’ de turkey, de ting was ’tended to befo’ sunup nex’ mornin’ dead sartain.”
GOD BLESS OUR HOME
A lonely traveler on horseback, riding through a dreary section of the far West, eagerly scanned the horizon for some signs of a human habitation. At last away in the distance he spied a cabin, put his horse to a trot, only to find the house deserted. Nailed on the front door was a sheet of paper on which he read the following pathetic story: