“Stands for Mary!” said the astonished teacher. “And, pray, Robert, how do you make that out?”
“Because,” answered the hopeful pupil, “if the cow didn’t stand for Mary, how could Mary milk the cow?”
DELIRIOUS
“Say—how much do you think I had to pay the milliner for my wife’s last spring bonnet? Thirty-six dollars and seventeen cents.”
“Rather steep, isn’t it? What are you going to do about it?”
“Do about it? Nothing. Because, don’t you see, old man, I daren’t say beans to it. My wife has the delirium trimmins.”
Mr. W. J. Lampton in the New York Times thus discourses on the tender topic:
Millinerymania
Did you ever see such sights?
Such frizzly, frazzly frights
As now the lovely fair
Insist that they must wear?
And, say,
Did you ever, in your feeble way,
Attempt to calculate
What it must be to keep one on straight?
Heavens to Betsy, no slob
Could get away with such a job!
That’s why no man
Could wear the hat a woman can
And does, and thinks
She’s not at all gezinx.
Wow,
Ain’t they the dowdydow?
The hats, not the women.
The Autumn Lid,
Deliriously displayed,
Has got the Merry Wid
Screaming screams for aid.
Police! Police!
Call out the cops
To save the ladies
From their tops.
Oh, woman, in your hours of ease,
Uncertain, coy and hard to please,
Who ever gave you lids like these?
Who is it has designed
Such cover for your mind?
This framework in a rag?
This millinery jag?
Who done it? Who
Should get the fearful due?
However, it’s no matter
Who is the women’s hatter,
They wear the goods!
And say,
On the level,
Don’t they
Look like the dickens?
Gee whiz,
Why look pazziz,
When a woman’s as pretty as a woman is?