“And when he reaches the age of twelve?”
“Stop up the bung-hole.”
“NO THOROUGHFARE”
A toll-gate was recently established on a road leading to Little Rock, Ark.; and an old negro who came along with an ox-team was much astonished. “Wall, ef dis doan cap de climax,” said he. “Ain satisfied wid chargin’ folks fur ridin’ on de train and steamboat, but wanster to charge him fur ridin’ in his own waggin!” “That’s the law of the corporation, old man.” “Wat’s de corporation got to do wid my waggin?” “Got nothing to do with your wagon, but they have a right to make you pay for riding over their road.” “Ain dis er a free country?” “Yes. But this is not a free road.” “But de road’s in the country. What does yer law say yer may charge?” “One horse, five cents; a horse and buggy, ten cents; two horses and a wagon, twenty cents.” “Well, dese here ain’t horses, ’case da’s steers. De law doan say nuthin’ about dem. Whoa, dar! Come ’ere!” And to the astonishment of the gate-keeper, the old fellow drove away.
THE OTHER EYE
Standing outside his club one afternoon Mr. Gilbert was approached by a stranger who asked, “I beg pardon, sir, but do you happen to know a gentleman, a member of this club, a man with one eye called ‘Matthews’?” “No, I don’t think I do,” replied Mr. Gilbert. Then after a pause he quickly added, “What’s the name of his other eye?”
KEEPING A SECRET
The Confederate general, Stonewall Jackson, had been on one occasion most hospitably entertained in the house and by the family of an old Virginia friend. It was known at the time that some very important movement of the Confederate army was afoot, and just as the great general was about to take his departure from the house in which he had been so royally received, the host, eager with curiosity and presuming on old friendship, took the general aside, and begged him for some information as to the coming demonstrations. Passing his arm affectionately around his old friend General Jackson said in a whisper, “My dear friend, can you keep a secret?” “Yes—Yes!” was the eager reply. “And so can I,” was the response, as the general mounted his horse.
A SHARP REPROOF
A preacher was much annoyed by the whispering and laughing of some young folks in the rear of the church. Stopping in the midst of his discourse and looking intently at them until all had become still, he said: