“Pooh!” said the Yankee. “That’s nothin’. Here, do you see this United States coin? We call it a cent. And you will observe the picture of an Indian on the cent. Well, sir, that’s the picture of the Indian that made my grandfather an Angel!”
THE RIGHT-OF-WAY
In driving out into the country on a by-road a few days ago, a lawyer encountered a horse and buggy driven by a woman. As she was driving on the wrong side of the road, he made up his mind not to give up his rights. As a consequence, the two horses finally came to a standstill, with their noses rubbing each other. The lawyer stared at the woman and the woman stared back. Then he pulled a newspaper from his pocket, and began reading. In a minute, she had her knitting out and was industriously at work. Ten long minutes in a broiling sun passed away, and the lawyer looked up and asked: “How long are you going to stay here?” “How long are you?” “All day.” “And I’ll stay here a whole week.” He read and she knit for about ten minutes, and then the lawyer cried out: “Do you know that I’m a lawyer?” “I don’t care for that,” she replied; “I’m the wife of a Justice of the Peace.” “Oh—ah—excuse me, madam. Really, but if I’d known you belonged to the purfesh, this would not have happened. Take this side, madam, take the whole road!”
THE DEACON BALKED
Deacon Broadbent, an honest and pious man, was conducting a Christmas revival with great success. In a word, his powerful exhortations had brought Calhoun White, the town’s worst sinner, weeping to the mourner’s bench.
The deacon, gratified by this proof of his evangelical prowess, hastened to Calhoun’s side.
“Deacon,” sobbed Calhoun, “‘tain’t no use in mah comin’ up. I’se sinned away de day o’ grace.”
“No, you hain’t, brudder Cal,” said the deacon. “All yo’ got to do is to gib up sin an’ all will be forgibben.”
“I’se done gib it up, deacon, but dar hain’t no salvation fo’ me.”
“Yes, dey is, honey. Dey hain’t no sin so black but it kin be washed whiter’n de snow.”