Doctor Faustus went into an Inn, wherein were many tables full of Clowns, the which were tippling can after can of excellent wine, and to be short, they were all drunken, and as they sat, they so sang and hallowed, that one could not hear a man speak for them; this angered Doctor Faustus; wherefore he said to those that had called him in, mark my masters, I will shew you a merry jest, the Clowns continuing still hallowing and singing, he so conjured them, that their mouths stood as wide open as it was possible for them to hold them, and never a one of them was able to close his mouth again: by and by the noise was gone, the Clowns notwithstanding looked earnestly one upon another, and wist not what was happened; wherefore one by one they went out, and so soon as they came without, they were as well as ever they were: but none of them desired to go in any more.
CHAPTER XXXVIII
How Doctor Faustus sold five Swine for six Dollars apiece
Doctor Faustus began another jest, he made him ready five fat Swine, the which he sold to one for six Dollars a piece, upon this condition, that the Swine-driver should not drive them into the water. Doctor Faustus went home again, and as the Swine had defiled themselves in the mud, the Swine-driver drove them into a water, where presently they were changed into so many bundles of straw swimming upright in the water: the boor looked wishly about him, and was sorry in his heart, but he knew not where to find Faustus, so he was content to let all go, and to lose both money and Hogs.
CHAPTER XXXIX
How Doctor Faustus played a merry jest with the Duke of Anholt in his Court
Doctor Faustus on a time came to the Duke of Anholt, the which welcomed him very courteously, this was in the month of January, where sitting at the table, he perceived the Duchess to be with child, and forbearing himself until the meat was taken from the table, and that they brought in the banqueting dishes, said Doctor Faustus to the Duchess, Gracious Lady, I have always heard, that the great-bellied women do always long for some dainties, I beseech therefore your Grace hide not your mind from me, but tell me what you desire to eat, she answered him, Doctor Faustus now truly I will not hide from you what my heart doth most desire, namely, that if it were now Harvest, I would eat my belly full of ripe Grapes, and other dainty fruit. Doctor Faustus answered hereupon, Gracious Lady, this is a small thing for me to do, for I can do more than this, wherefore he took a plate, and made open one of the casements of the window, holding it forth, where incontinent he had his dish full of all manner of fruits, as red and white Grapes, Pears, and Apples, the which came from out of strange Countries, all these he presented the Duchess, saying: Madame, I pray you vouchsafe to taste of this dainty fruit, the which came from a far Country, for there the Summer is not yet ended. The Duchess thanked Faustus highly, and she fell to her fruit with full appetite. The Duke of Anholt notwithstanding could not withhold to ask Faustus with what reason there were such young fruit to be had at that time of the year? Doctor Faustus told him, may it please your Grace to understand, that the year is divided into two circles over the whole world, that when with us it is Winter, in the contrary circle it is notwithstanding Summer, for in India and Saba there falleth or setteth the Sun, so that it is so warm, that they have twice a year fruit: and gracious Lord, I have a swift Spirit, the which can in the twinkling of an eye fulfil my desire in any thing, wherefore I sent him into those Countries, who hath brought this fruit as you see: whereat the Duke was in great admiration.