CHAP. II.
Tom Hickathrift and the Tinker was sent for to Court and of their kind entertainment there, etc.
The King being truly informed of the faithful services perform’d by these his loving Subjects, Thomas Hickathrift and the Tinker, he was pleased to send for them to his Palace, where a Royal banquet was prepared for their entertainment, most of the Nobility being present. Now after the banquet was over, the King said unto all that were there, these are my trusty and well-beloved subjects, men of approved courage and valour, they are the men that overcame and conquer’d ten thousand which were got together to disturb the peace of my realm; according to the character that hath been given to Tho. Hickathrift and Henry Nonesuch, persons here present, they cannot be matcht in any other kingdom in the world; were it possible to have an army of twenty thousand such as these, I dare venture to act the part of Alexander the Great over again: yet in the meanwhile, as a proof of my Royal favour, kneel down and receive the antient order of knighthood, Mr. Hickathrift, which was instantly perform’d. And as for Henry Nonesuch, I will settle upon him, as a reward for his great service, the sum of Forty Shillings a year, during life. Which said, the King withdrew, and Sir Thomas Hickathrift and Henry Nonesuch the tinker, returned home, attended by many persons of quality, some miles from the Court. But to the great grief of Sir Thomas, at his return from the Court, he found his aged Mother drawing to her end, who in a few days after died and was buried in the Isle of Ely.
CHAP. III.
Tom after his old Mother’s death went a wooing; and how he served a young Gallant who affronted him before his Mistress.
Tom’s mother being dead, and he left alone in a large and spacious house, he found himself strange and uncouth, therefore he began to consider with himself that it would not be amiss to seek out for a wife; and hearing of a young rich widow, not far from Cambridge, to her he went, and made his addresses: and at the first coming she seem’d to shew him much favour and countenance; but between this and his coming again, she had given some entertainment to a more genteel and airy spark, who happened likewise to come while honest Tom was there the second time; he look’d wishfully at Tom, and he star’d as wishfully at him again; at last the young spark began with abuseful language to affront Tom, telling him he was such a great lubberly whelp, adding that such a one as he should not pretend to make love to a Lady, as he was but a Brewer’s servant. Scoundrel quoth Tom better words should become you, and if you do not mend your manners, you shall not fail to feel my sharp correction. At which the young Spark challenged him forth into the back yard; for, as he said, he did not question but to make a fool of Tom in a trice. Into the yard they both walk together, the young spark with a naked sword, and Tom with neither stick nor staff in his hand, nor any other weapon. What says the spark, have you nothing to defend yourself? well I shall the sooner dispatch you. Which said, he ran furiously forward, making a pass at Tom, which he put by, and then wheeling round to his backside, Tom gave him such a swinging kick on the breech, which sent the spark like a Crow up into the Air, from whence he fell upon the ridge of a thatcht house, and then came down into a large fish pond, and had been certainly drown’d if it had not been for a poor shepherd who was walking that way, and seeing him float upon the water, dragged him out with his hook, and home he returned like a drowned Rat; while Tom enjoy’d the kind embraces of his fair Mistress.