Away sprung Billy Ramus quick as thought,
To majesty tha welcome tidings brought,
How Whitbread, staring, stood like any stake,
And trembled—then the civil things he said—
On which the king did smile and nod his head:
For monarchs like to see their subjects quake:
Such horrors unto kings most pleasant are,
Proclaiming reverence and humility:
High thoughts, too, all those shaking fits declare
Of kingly grandeur and great capability!
People of worship, wealth, and birth,
Look on the humbler sons of earth,
Indeed in a most humble light, God knows!
High stations are like Dover's towering cliffs,
Where ships below appear like little skiffs,
While people walking on the strand like crows.
Muse, sing the stir that Mr. Whitbread made;
Poor gentleman! most terribly afraid
He should not charm enough his guests divine:
He gave his maids new aprons, gowns and smocks;
And lo! two hundred pounds were spent in frocks,
To make the apprentices and draymen fine:
Busy as horses in a field of clover,
Dogs, cats, and chairs, and stools, were tumbled over,
Amid the Whitbread rout of preparation,
To treat the lofty ruler of the nation.
Now moved king, queen, and princesses so grand,
To visit the first brewer in the land;
Who sometimes swills his beer and grinds his meat
In a snug corner christened Chiswell-street;
But oftener charmed with fashionable air,
Amid the gaudy great of Portman-square.
Lord Aylesbury, and Denbigh's Lord ALSO,
His grace the Duke of Montague LIKEWISE.
With Lady Harcourt joined the raree-show,
And fixed all Smithfield's marveling eyes:
For lo! a greater show ne'er graced those quarters,
Since Mary roasted, just like crabs, the martyrs.
Arrived, the king broad grinned, and gave a nod
To smiling Whitbread, who, had God
Come with his angels to behold his beer,
With more respect he never could have met—
Indeed the man was in a sweat,
So much the brewer did the king revere.
Her majesty contrived to make a dip:
Light as a feather then the king did skip,
And asked a thousand questions, with a laugh,
Before poor Whitbread comprehended half.
Reader, my Ode should have a simile—
Well, in Jamaica, on a tamarind tree,
Five hundred parrots, gabbling just like Jews,
I've seen—such noise the feathered imps did make,
As made my very pericranium ache—
Asking and telling parrot news: