WOMAN'S WILL.
Men dying make their wills—but wives
Escape a work so sad;
Why should they make what all their lives
The gentle dames have had?
FAMILY QUARRELS.
"A fool," said Jeanette, "is a creature I hate!"
"But hating," quoth John, "is immoral;
Besides, my dear girl, it's a terrible fate
To be found in a family quarrel!"
A REVOLUTIONARY HERO. JAMES RUSSELL LOWELL
Old Joe is gone, who saw hot Percy goad
His slow artillery up the Concord road,
A tale which grew in wonder year by year;
As every time he told it, Joe drew near
To the main fight, till faded and grown gray,
The original scene to bolder tints gave way;
Then Joe had heard the foe's scared double-quick
Beat on stove drum with one uncaptured stick,
And, ere death came the lengthening tale to lop,
Himself had fired, and seen a red-coat drop;
Had Joe lived long enough, that scrambling fight
Had squared more nearly to his sense of right,
And vanquished Perry, to complete the tale,
Had hammered stone for life in Concord jail.
EPIGRAMS OF HALPIN
THE LAST RESORT.
A dramatist declared he had got
So many people in his plot,
That what to do with half he had
Was like to drive him drama-mad!
"The hero and the heroine
Of course are married—very fine!
But with the others, what to do
Is more than I can tell—can you?"
His friend replied—"'Tis hard to say,
But yet I think there is a way.
The married couple, thank their stars
And half the 'others' take the cars,
The other half you put on board
An Erie steamboat—take my word,
They'll never trouble you again!"
The dramatist resumed his pen.