EPITAPH ON A CANDLE. PUNCH.
A WICKED one lies buried here,
Who died in a DECLINE;
He never rose in rank, I fear,
Though he was born to SHINE.
He once was FAT, but now, indeed,
He's thin as any griever;
He died—the Doctors all agreed,
Of a most BURNING fever.
One thing of him is said with truth,
With which I'm much amused;
It is—that when he stood, forsooth,
A STICK he always used.
Now WINDING-SHEETS he sometimes made,
But this was not enough,
For finding it a poorish trade,
He also dealt in SNUFF.
If e'er you said "GO OUT, I pray,"
He much ill nature show'd;
On such occasions he would say,
"Vy, if I do, I'M BLOW'D"
In this his friends do all agree,
Although you'll think I'm joking,
When GOING OUT 'tis said that he
Was very fond of SMOKING.
Since all religion he despised,
Let these few words suffice,
Before he ever was baptized
They DIPP'D him once or twice.
POETRY ON AN IMPROVED PRINCIPLE. A RENCONTER WITH A TEA-TOTALLER. PUNCH.
On going forth last night, a friend to see,
I met a man by trade a s-n-o-B;
Reeling along the path he held his way.
"Ho! ho!" quoth I, "he's d-r-u-n-K"
Then thus to him—"Were it not better, far,
You were a little s-o-b-e-R?
'T were happier for your family, I guess,
Than playing of such rum r-i-g-S.
Besides, all drunkards, when policemen see 'em,
Are taken up at once by t-h-e-M."
'Me drunk!" the cobbler cried, "the devil trouble you
You want to kick up a blest r-o-W.
Now, may I never wish to work for Hoby,
If drain I've had!" (the lying s-n-O-B!)
I've just return'd from a tee-total party,
Twelve on us jamm'd in a spring c-a-R-P.
The man as lectured, now, WAS drunk; why, bless ye,
He's sent home in a c-h-a-i-S-E.
He'd taken so much lush into his belly,
I'm blest if he could t-o-dd-L-E.
A pair on 'em—hisself and his good lady;—
The gin had got into her h-e-A-D.
(My eye and Betty! what weak mortals WE are;
They said they took but ginger b-e-E-R!)
But as for me, I've stuck ('t was rather ropy)
All day to weak imperial p-O-P.
And now we've had this little bit o' sparrin',
Just stand a q-u-a-r-t-e-R-N!"