It may seem rather strange, that it did not arrange
Itself in its place when the limbs join'd together;
Perhaps it could not get out, for the cushion was stout,
And constructed of good, strong, maroon-color'd leather
Or what is more likely, Gengulphus might choose, For saints, e'en when dead, still retain their volition, It should rest there, to aid some particular views, Produced by his very peculiar position,
Be that as it may, on the very first day
That the widow Gengulphus sat down on that settee,
What occur'd almost frightened her senses away,
Beside scaring her hand-maidens, Gertrude and Betty,
They were telling their mistress the wonderful deeds
Of the new Saint, to whom all the Town said their orisons;
And especially how, as regards invalids,
His miraculous cures far outrival'd Von Morison's.
"The cripples," said they, "fling their crutches away,
And people born blind now can easily see us!"
But she (we presume, a disciple of Hume)
Shook her head, and said angrily, "'Credat Judaeus!'
"Those rascally liars, the Monks and the Friars,
To bring grist to their mill, these devices have hit on.
He works miracles!—pooh!—I'd believe it of you
Just as soon, you great Geese,—or the Chair that I sit on!"
The Chair—at that word—it seems really absurd,
But the truth must be told,—what contortions and grins
Distorted her face!—She sprang up from her place
Just as though she'd been sitting on needles and pins!
For, as if the Saint's beard the rash challenge had heard
Which she utter'd, of what was beneath her forgetful
Each particular hair stood on end in the chair,
Like a porcupine's quills when the animal's fretful,
That stout maroon leather, they pierced altogether,
Like tenter-hooks holding when clench'd from within,
And the maids cried—"Good gracious! how very tenacious!"
—They as well might endeavor to pull off her skin!—
She shriek'd with the pain, but all efforts were vain;
In vain did they strain every sinew and muscle,—
The cushion stuck fast!—From that hour to her last
She could never get rid of that comfortless "Bustle"!