1909.
CONTENTS.
| PAGE | |
| Note | [xi] |
| My Dog—Bill Nye | [1] |
| Knee-Deep in June—James Whitcomb Riley | [4] |
| Baked Beans and Culture—Eugene Field | [8] |
| The Nice People—H. C. Bunner | [12] |
| The Eureky Rat-Trap—C. B. Lewis (“M Quad”) | [24] |
| The School Examination—George Washington Cable | [28] |
| “Wouldn’t You like to Know?”—John G. Saxe | [35] |
| The Artless Prattle of Childhood—Robert Jones Burdette | [38] |
| Speech on the Babies—Samuel L. Clemens (“Mark Twain”) | [44] |
| On Cyclones—Bill Nye | [49] |
| Our Correspondent has the Honour to be—R. H. Newell (“Orpheus C. Kerr”) | [51] |
| Yawcob Strauss—Charles Follen Adams | [61] |
| The Minister’s Wooing—Harriet Beecher Stowe | [63] |
| Albina McLush—Nathaniel Parker Willis | [73] |
| A Long Time Ago—John Barr | [77] |
| The Professor under Chloroform—Oliver Wendell Holmes | [82] |
| Our Travelled Parson—Will Carleton | [85] |
| A Railroad “Recussant”—L. Gaylord Clark | [91] |
| An Unmarried Female—Marietta Holley | [93] |
| The Courtin’—James Russell Lowell | [103] |
| The Wonderful Tar-Baby Story—Joel Chandler Harris | [108] |
| Pomona’s Novel—Frank R. Stockton | [111] |
| Tempest in a Tub—J. M. Bailey | [128] |
| The Stout Gentleman—Washington Irving | [131] |
| My Summer in a Garden—Charles Dudley Warner | [144] |
| The Quaker Coquette—Charles Graham Halpine | [156] |
| Cat-Fishing—W. L. Alden | [158] |
| Captain Stick and Tony—Johnson T. Hooper | [162] |
| “Items” from the Press of Interior California—Ambrose Bierce (“Dod Grile”) | [166] |
| An Avalanche of Drugs | [168] |
| Music—Ambrose Bierce (“Dod Grile”) | [174] |
| Maxims—Benjamin Franklin | [175] |
| Model of a Letter of Recommendation of a Person you are Unacquainted with—Benjamin Franklin | [176] |
| Echo-Song—Thos. Bailey Aldrich | [176] |
| Colonel Mulberry Sellers—Samuel L. Clemens (“Mark Twain”) | [179] |
| The Owl-Critic—Jas. T. Fields | [187] |
| Annihilates an Oberlinite—Petroleum V. Nasby | [191] |
| An Economical Project—Benjamin Franklin | [193] |
| Miss Mehetabel’s Son—Thos. Bailey Aldrich | [199] |
| Peck’s Bad Boy—George W. Peck | [216] |
| The British Knock—William Austin | [221] |
| A Captive Maiden | [225] |
| Mrs. Partington in Court—Benjamin Penhallon Shillaber (“Mrs. Partington”) | [227] |
| The Music-Grinders—Oliver Wendell Holmes | [228] |
| Miss Crump’s Song—Augustus Baldwin Longstreet | [232] |
| A Polyglot Barber—Samuel S. Cox | [238] |
| At the Giant’s Causeway—Robert Barr (“Luke Sharp”) | [243] |
| Hans Breitmann’s Barty—Charles Godfrey Leland | [250] |
| Our New Bedstead—Frederick Swartout Cozzens | [253] |
| A Quilting—Sam Slick | [259] |
| A Patented Child—W. L. Alden | [265] |
| A Talk about Tea—Frederick S. Cozzens | [269] |
| Old Aunt Mary’s—James Whitcomb Riley | [273] |
| A Petition of the Left Hand—Benjamin Franklin | [275] |
| Women’s Fashions—Nathaniel Ward | [277] |
| The Newsboy—Joseph C. Neal | [281] |
| The Boys around the House—C. B. Lewis (“M Quad”) | [285] |
| Mr. Doty Mad—Eugene Field | [287] |
| Our Two Opinions—Eugene Field | [289] |
| One of Mr. Ward’s Business Letters—Artemus Ward | [291] |
| The Showman’s Courtship—Artemus Ward | [292] |
| Ye Pedagogue—John Godfrey Saxe | [295] |
| Settling under Difficulties—Robert J. Burdette | [298] |
| Mr. Higginbotham’s Catastrophe—Nathaniel Hawthorne | [300] |
| Going to California—Benjamin Penhallow Shillaber (“Mrs. Partington”) | [316] |
| “Roughing It”—Samuel L. Clemens (“Mark Twain”) | [318] |
| The Head-Writer—C. B. Lewis (“M Quad”) | [322] |
| Peleg W. Ponder; or, The Politician without a Side—Joseph C. Neal | [326] |
| The Shakers—Artemus Ward | [332] |
| “Early Rising”—John G. Saxe | [340] |
| How Santa Claus came to Simpson’s Bar—Bret Harte | [342] |
| The Breach of Promise Case—Ralph Keeler | [362] |
| Epitaph for Himself—Benjamin Franklin | [373] |
| The Duke of Bridgewater—Samuel L. Clemens (“Mark Twain”) | [373] |
| A Visit to Brigham Young—Artemus Ward | [380] |
| Duet for the Breakfast-Table—Charles Graham Halpine | [385] |
| Kitty Answers—William Dean Howells | [387] |
| Puck—James Whitcomb Riley | [395] |
| The Revenge of St. Nicholas—James K. Paulding | [396] |
| An Aphorism and a Lecture—Oliver Wendell Holmes | [412] |
| Aphorisms—Thoreau | [419] |
| An English Funeral—William Austin | [420] |
| A Lost Child | [420] |
| Among the Spirits—Artemus Ward | [422] |
| Poetry and the Poet—H. C. Bunner | [426] |
| A New System of English Grammar—“John Phœnix” | [427] |
| Biographical Index of American Humorists | [437] |
NOTE.
WHEN the unfortunate man standing on the scaffold was asked by a spectator to make a speech, he said that, considering the interesting programme which had been prepared by their good friend the Sheriff, he could not hope to say anything likely to amuse them. The compiler of a book of humour may recognise a like anxiety on the part of the public to push on to the principal attraction. There arises on his mental vision the eager face of the book-buyer, as he hurriedly skims over the leaves at the commencement of the volume, to find the end of the introduction and the beginning of the humour.
Once upon a time when I was young—in fact, more than eighteen months ago—I wrote an introduction to a volume of American humorous verse. It didn’t say much, but it covered a great deal of space, and looked imposing. The few statements made, however, have risen up and smitten me night and day, and I have never to this moment been able to get away from them. After the volume had been before the public for a few months, I made an everlasting resolve to abstain from all theories, deductions, speculations, prophecies, warnings, and prognostications in regard to any and every humour, whether American or British, new or old, known or unknown. It occurred to me that a new and delightful feature might be added to a book of humour if the reader were permitted the privilege of forming his own conclusions and choosing for himself his favourite among the authors. No doubt many a man has been forced, sorely against his will, to acknowledge, theoretically, the irresistibility of certain writers’ humour, and to spend the best part of his life in trying to see something funny in the writers’ work. No such hopeless task will be imposed by this volume. The different authors included between the covers of this book will speak for themselves. They need no bush.
But instead of writing an introduction for no one to read I have thought it better to arrange a biographical index of American and Canadian humorous writers, giving such pertinent particulars of each author’s life and work as may be of value to the student of American literature. This index will be found at the end of the volume. It comes, it is hoped, within reasonable distance of completeness, and although in the majority of cases the data given is of a broad and general kind, still it is sufficiently explicit to set the student in the way of finding for himself the chief characteristics and work of the different authors. This index, to the best of my knowledge, is the first of its kind that has been arranged, and should at least prove of benefit to any unfortunate compiler who in future ages is asked to prepare a volume of humorous extracts from American authors. The job is a big one now. What it will be if America continues to produce “funny” men at the rate she has done for the past hundred years it is impossible to imagine.