The Maids enter with chocolate.
These wenches are gone to Smyrna for this chocolate—— And what made you stay so long?
Cham. I thought we did not stay at all, madam.
Lure. Only an hour and a half by the slowest clock in Christendom—and such salvers and dishes too! The lard be merciful to me! what have I committed to be plagued with such animals? Where are my new japan salvers? Broke, o’ my conscience! all to pieces, I’ll lay my life on’t.
Cham. No, indeed, madam, but your husband——
Lure. How! husband, impudence! I’ll teach you manners. (Gives her a box on the ear.) Husband! Is that your Welsh breeding? Ha’n’t the Colonel a name of his own?
Cham. Well, then, the Colonel. He used them this morning, and we ha’n’t got them since.
Lure. How! the Colonel use my things! How dare the Colonel use any thing of mine? But his campaign education must be pardoned. And I warrant they were fisted about among his dirty levée of disbanded officers? Faugh! the very thoughts of them fellows, with their eager looks, iron swords, tied-up wigs, and tucked in cravats, make me sick as death. Come, let me see. (Goes to take the chocolate, and starts back.) Heavens protect me from such a sight! Lord, girl! when did you wash your hands last? And have you been pawing me all this morning with them dirty fists of yours? (Runs to the glass.) I must dress all over again. Go, take it away, I shall swoon else. Here, Mrs. Monster, call up my tailor; and d’ye hear? you, Mrs. Hobbyhorse, see if my company be come to cards yet.
The Tailor enters.
Oh, Mr. Remnant! I don’t know what ails these stays you have made me; but something is the matter, I don’t like them.