... Now, to orthodox minds there cannot be the slightest doubt on the subject; rain is by no means a fitting and necessary part of the order of things; it is rather of the nature of a judgment. The Scriptures make no mention of bad weather before the time of the Flood. Rain-water was in nowise needed for the development of germs or the ripening of the harvest. Adam had been condemned to water the earth with the sweat of his brow, and this irrigation would have been quite sufficient to raise maize and beans over the whole surface of the globe....
From the preceding considerations it seems to me that one can draw two principal conclusions:—
1. That rain is not a necessity of Nature, but rather what is commonly called a judgment of Providence.
2. That human beings, when it rains, are exceedingly ugly.
Take these two conclusions and put them aside; for we may draw from them later on the most curious and unexpected consequences....
P. C. Ferrigni.
THE PATENT ADAPTABLE SONNET.
FROM “IL SIGNOR LORENZO.”
... Gianni. I have three systems of making money; one is that of the poet. Suppose, for example, there is a wedding, a young man who has just taken his degree, a dancer who has been a great success, a celebrated preacher, a new member of the Chamber of Deputies,—I have a sonnet which will do for any of them; it only wants the last three lines varied to suit the occasion. I have six alternative versions of those three lines. It is a revolver-sonnet; you can fire six shots with it. Do you see? The two quartets consist of philosophical observations on the joys and sorrows of life; they will do for every one. In the first tercet I descend from the general to the particular. “O thou!” I say without further appellation. That thou has neither sex nor age; it is equally suitable for man or woman, old or young, noble or bourgeois. (Begins to recite, gesticulating.)
And thou, into whose heart high Heaven all pure
Virtues did gather, and a noble need