It is an error to imagine that men are less intoxicated with flattery than women. The only difference is that esteem must be expressed to women, but proved to men.
Flattery is of course efficacious to obtain positive benefits. It is of, more constant use, however, for purposes of defence. You conquer an attack of rudeness by courtesy: you avert an attack of accusation by flattery. Every:one remembers the anecdote of Dr. Johnson and Mr. Ewing. “Prince,” said Napoleon to Talleyrand, “they tell me that you sometimes speculate improperly in the funds.” “They do me wrong then,” said Talleyrand. “But how did you acquire so much money!” “I bought stock the day before you were proclaimed First Consul,” replied the ex-bishop, “and I sold it the day after.”
Compliments are light skirmishes in the war of flattery, for the purpose of obtaining an occasional object. They are little false coins that you receive with one hand and pay away with the other. To flatter requires a profound knowledge of human nature and of the character of your subject; to compliment skillfully, it is sufficient that you are a pupil of Spurzheim.
It is a common practice with men to abstain from grave conversation with women. And the habit is in general judicious. If the woman is young, gay and trifling, talk to her only of the latest fashions, the gossip of the day, etc. But this in other cases is not to be done. Most women who are a little old, particularly married women — and even some who are young — wish to obtain a reputation for intellect and an acquaintance With science. You therefore pay them a real compliment, and gratify their self-love, by conversing occasionally upon grave matters, which they do not understand, and do not really relish. You may interrupt a discussion on the beauty of a dahlia, by observing that as you know that they take an interest in such things you mention the discovery of a new method of analyzing curves of double curvature. Men who talk only of trifles will rarely be popular with women past twenty-five.
Talk to a mother about her children. Women are never tired of hearing of themselves and their children.
If you go to a house where there are children you should take especial care to conciliate their good will by a little manly tete-a-tete, otherwise you may get a ball against your skins, or be tumbled from a three-legged chair.
To be able to converse with women you must study their vocabulary. You would make a great mistake in interpreting never, forever, as they are explained in Johnson.
Do not be for ever telling a woman that she is handsome, witty, etc. She knows that a vast deal better than you do.
Do not allow your love for one woman to prevent your paying attention to others. The object of your love is the only one who ought to perceive it.
A little pride, which reminds you what is due to yourself, and a little good nature, which suggests what is due to others, are the pre-requisites for the moral constitution of a gentleman.