Pure was the life she led Then: from her Muff, 't is said, Tracts she distributed;— Scapegraces many, Seeing the grace they lacked, Followed her; one attacked Prudence, and got his tract, Oftener than any!
Love has a potent spell! Soon this bold ne'er-do-well, Aunt's sweet susceptible Heart undermining, Slipped, so the scandal runs, Notes in the pretty nun's Muff,—triple-cornered ones,— Pink as its lining!
Worse, even, soon the jade Fled (to oblige her blade!) Whilst her friends thought that they 'd Locked her up tightly: After such shocking games, Aunt is of wedded dames Gayest,—and now her name's Mrs. Golightly.
In female conduct flaw Sadder I never saw, Still I've faith in the law Of compensation. Once uncle went astray,— Smoked, joked, and swore away; Sworn by, he 's now, by a Large congregation!
Changed is the child of sin; Now he 's (he once was thin) Grave, with a double chin,— Blest be his fat form! Changed is the garb he wore: Preacher was never more Prized than is uncle for Pulpit or platform.
If all's as best befits Mortals of slender wits, Then beg this Muff, and its Fair owner pardon; All's for the best,—indeed, Such is my simple creed; Still I must go and weed Hard in my garden.
FREDERICK LOCKER-LAMPSON.
HOW PADDY GOT "UNDER GOVERNMENT."
A place under Government Was all that Paddy wanted. He married soon a scolding wife, And thus his wish was granted.