“Faith,” says he, “they are both Johns too; but one is a lawyer, and the other a cooper.”
“O, it must be the lawyer that I want,” says I.
With this, the young man gave a squint at Hannah, and a wink at me; and “Come along,” says he, “I am going right there now, and I’ll show you the Squire, and fix things for ye.”
“Hannah,” says I, “that’s lucky.”
Well, he carried us into a small, one-story house, a little further on, full of books and dust, and smelling of strong, old dead tobacco-smoke. Here we sat down, while he went out about our business. We waited and waited, till long after dark, and were glad enough to see him come back at last with a candle. “The Squire is very sick,” says he, “but I have over-persuaded him.” And the next minute, Squire came grunting along in, all muffled by in a great-coat, and spectacles on, and a great tall woman, as witness for the bride.
Well, he went to work, and married us, and followed up with a right down sensible sermon, about multiplying and increasing on the earth; and I never felt so solemn and serious. Then followed kissing the bride all round, the certificate; and then I gave him two silver dollars, and we got into the shay again, and off.
After this, nothing happened, to speak of, for about a month. Everything was kept snug, and Captain Peabody had no suspicion; but one morning, at break of day, as I was creeping softly down Captain Peabody’s back-stairs, with my shoes in my hand, as usual, I trod into a tub of water, standing on the third step from the bottom, and down I came, slam bang. The Captain was going to kill his hogs, and had got up betimes; put his water to heat, and was whetting his butcher-knife in the kitchen.
The first thing I saw, when I looked up, there stood Captain Peabody, with a great butcher-knife in his hand, looking down upon me like a thundercloud! I want to know if I didn’t feel streaked! He clinched me by the collar, and stood me up; and then raised his knife over me, as far as he could reach. I thought my last moment was come. Blood would have been shed, as sure as rats, if it hadn’t been for Mrs. Peabody. She stepped up behind, and laid hold of his arm; and says she, “It’s no matter, Mr. Peabody; they are married.”
“Married to that puppy?” roared the Captain.
“Yes, Sir,” said I; “and here’s the certificate.”