“ ‘Why don’t you wait till I get’s this durned four-legged critter into the boat?’
“He didn’t say a word, but kept shovin’ the boat out, and toreckly my hoss begin pullin’ back with the bridle, an’ I er holein’ on to it, an’ the furst thing I knowed, I went kerswash into the drink. So you see, in about er minit, thar was I on to this side, and thar was Arch on t’other, and no chance for me to git at him. Tell you what, I was hot then—and what was worser, Arch he hollered out and sed he b’leved I skeered the hoss and made him pull back, on purpose to get out’n the scrape. When I hearn him say that, I was so mad I fairly biled. Howsever, I soon see ’twarn’t no use raisen er racket ’bout what couldn’t be helped, so I ’cluded I’d have my satisfaction out’n him any way. An’ I begin shakin’ my fist at him, an’ er cussin’ him. Sez I:
“ ‘You eternal yaller-faced, suck-egg son of er ——, what is it you ain’t mean ’nuff for me to call you? I tell you what!’ (an’ I hope to be forgiven for swearin’) I cussed him blue.
“Well, I was so outdone I didn’t wait for the boat to come back, for it was gettin’ ’most dark and too late for bar-huntin’ that day; ’sides, my wife she would be ’spectin’ me at the house, and might rais pertickler dust if I didn’t get thar in time; so I jumped on my ole hoss, an’ put for home. But the way I cussed and ’bused Arch when I got on the hoss, was er sin, an’ the further I got away from him the louder I hollered! I pledge you my word, you might er hearn me er mile.
“To make a long story short, the last word I sed to him, sez I:
“ ‘Arch, you’ve ’scaped me this time by er axident, but the next time you cross my path, I’ll larrup you worse nor the devil beatin’ tan-bark! I will, by hokey!’
“Whew!” whistled Mike, drawing a long breath. “I tell you what, I come the nearest wollopin’ that feller, not to do it, that ever you saw.”
At this moment Mike donned his coon-skin cap, and giving it a terrific slam, that brought it over his eyes, vanished.
VI.
AN INTERESTING INTERVIEW.
I hope the day is not far distant, when drunkenness will be unknown in our highly-favoured country. The moral world is rising in its strength against the all-destroying vice, and though the monster still struggles, and stings, and poisons, with deadly effect, in many parts of our wide-spread territory, it is perceptibly wounded and weakened; and I flatter myself, if I should live to number ten years more, I shall see it driven entirely from the higher walks of life at least, if not from all grades of society. For the honour of my contemporaries, I would register none of its crimes or its follies; but, in noticing the peculiarities of the age in which I live, candour constrains me to give this vice a passing notice. The interview which I am about to present to my readers, exhibits it in its mildest and most harmless forms.