COMIC COOK BOOK?
We publish a book under that title, and it contains more good laughs to the square inch than any book in the market. Notice a few of the recipes:
Table Manners.—In carving, should the bird slip from under your knife, do not appear covered with confusion, although you may be with gravy, but simply say to the lady in whose lap the bird has landed: “I’ll trouble you for that hen,” or words to that effect, and proceed with the autopsy.
To Boil Fish.—Place the bird in a kettle of cold water and let it boil so gently that the water will remain about as warm as a June day. By so doing the fish can swim about in the kettle, and come to the table, along with the other guests, in a not overheated condition. It will require about eight minutes to cook a fish weighing one pound, and of course, only four minutes to cook one weighing twice as much.
To Fry Fish.—Remove the works from the interior department, pick off the scales, remove the teeth, and fry in a frying pan—or anything else which fancy dictates.
Chicken Croquettes.—Having stunned a heavy set hen, croquet the dark meat through three wickets. Loose croquet the bust and other blonde meat until you are a rover. Chop it all up and add something to make it stick together, mould it into sausages, roll in bass-wood sawdust (the croquettes, not yourself). Fry in red-hot lard.
Calves-Foot Jelly.—Get a yard of the material, i. e., three feet. Chicago beef is best, as the calves have the largest feet. Cut off the calf for future reference. Wash the feet, applying chilblain remedies when necessary, boil them for a while or so, add enough glue to thicken; stir in a few molasses, strain through a cane-seated chair. Pour the amalgamation into a blue bowl with red pictures on it, and send the whole business to a sick friend.
Angel Cake.—Chop up green apples, raisins, bananas, in quantities to suit; stick them in dough. Feed to the children and the angel part will materialize.
Roman Punch.—Only a Roman nose how to prepare this dish properly. To prepare it the other way add some rum to your punch. This should be served before the roasts at dinner, but should be eaten frugally, as it was a Roman punch that killed Cæsar.
Emergencies.—Should a child swallow a button, lower a button-hole down its throat with a piece of string, pass it over the button and yank it out.——If you see a runaway horse approaching and are unable to get out of his way, speak to him firmly, saying, “Lie down, sir!”