Jap Johnson told me that! The greatest man to jump into a town and get acquainted with folks I ever saw, Jap was. Give Jap a night and a day in a country place and everybody there would call him by his first name, and he’d call everybody the same way, even the girls. In forty-eight hours he’d know every man, woman, child, horse, dog and cat in the town, and could tell who married who, who got drunk once in a while, and who had fits or rheumatics. Give him three days in a town and he’d have every bit of the gossip and old, musty scandals that ever went over the back fences of that town. He was a wonderful man, Jap was, and he could sell goods like a house afire.
The biggest thing he ever did, though, was about four years ago. He had four hours to spend in a little town out west. In that time he sold two bales of goods, was invited to dinner by the mayor, decided four bets, was referee in a dog-fight, proposed marriage and was accepted by the belle of the place, borrowed ten dollars from her pa, beat another man two games of billiards, and, it happening to be election day, he capped the whole by sailing in and having himself elected town clerk by a majority of eleven votes.
HAPPENINGS IN KEROSENELAMPVILLE
Did you see me this morning? My cousin Silas was with me! He’s a good fellow, Silas is! Deacon of the church in Kerosenelampville! Ever been there? If you haven’t you’ve missed a lot—of trouble. I took Silas up to our club one afternoon and when he saw Billy Smith and Chris Lane playing chess he ventured to interrupt the game.
“Excuse me,” he said, “but the object of both of you is to git them wooden things from where they are over to where they ain’t?”
“That partly expresses it,” replied Chris.