If all men were created alike, as the constitution of the United States proclaims, what an awful time married women would have trying to find their husbands!
If the man who wrote “The Snow, the Snow, the Beautiful Snow” lived in Florida, then the man who wrote “There Is No Place Like Home” never had a wife; ergo, no mother-in-law!
“There is more pleasure in giving than in receiving.” Certainly, if you are talking about a licking. Any five-year-old kid knows that.
Most people keep their spirits up by pouring spirits down.
The Society for the Prevention of Crime is going to stop the Poultry Show in Madison Square, New York. They say it is a fowl (foul) show.
A bald-headed man is surer of salvation than a man with an abundance of hirsute appendage, there being not a hair between him and Heaven.
You can use the old saying “Slow but sure” when talking to me, but for the sake of your own personal comfort, don’t say it to Dan Smith—and above all don’t say it to Thomas Lipton.
We are all kings and queens in this country—we all have crowns on our heads.
Men’s minds are like onions: some of them are stronger than others, and what is in them often brings tears to women’s eyes.
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