"Her words gaed through me like a sword—
She said she'd gnash our heads together.
Had I sic wife, upon my word,
I'd twist her chanter in a tether.
Tam's wife, &c.
"I did but pree her dinner cheer,
And hadna drunk twa jugs o' toddy,
When in she bang'd like ony bear—
Oh, she is an awsome body!
Tam's wife, &c.
"I took my bonnet and the road,
And to my waefu fate resign'd me;
When, what think ye, the raging jade
Daddit to the door behind me?
Tam's wife o' Puddentuscal—
Tam's wife o' Puddentuscal,
Wat ye how she rated me,
And ca'ed me baith a loon and rascal.
Now this song happened to take in the neighbourhood, and was reckoned severe and clever. The murder came out in a few weeks. I received the following letter from Lord C——:—
"Sir,—I hear you have been lampooning, in a periodical work, a person in whom Lady C—— takes a deep interest. I consider myself relieved from any obligations which your past services may have imposed upon me.—I remain, &c."
My lord was as good as his word, and that I am now
"Within my noisy mansion skill'd to rule,"
instead of appearing sleek, fat, and comfortable at the General Assembly now sitting, is owing to my scribbling propensities.
But there is yet one other idiot, with whose character I might close "this strange, eventful history"—an idiot decidedly the most prominent of all—an idiot who, in modern times in particular, has proved his claims on my notice to an unusual extent—an idiot, too, without whose idiocy mine were literally a dead letter: Reader! gentle reader!—"Quid rides—nomine mutato de TE"—that is, if you are displeased; if not, you are an angel!