"No, Helen," cried he, wringing her hand; "there was a time when ye only said Thomas! and the sound o' that ae word frae yer lips was a waff o' music, which echoed, like the vibrations o' an angel's harp, about my heart for hours and for hours!"
"If," added she, "from having been taught by you to call you by that name in childhood, when I regarded you as my guardian, and you condescended to be my playmate, will you upbraid me with ceasing to use it now, when respect to you and to myself demand the use of another? Or can you, by any act of mine, place another meaning upon my having used it, than obedience to your wishes, and the familiarity of a thoughtless girl? And, knowing this, is it possible that the best of men will heap sorrow upon sorrow on the head of a friendless and afflicted woman?"
"Oh, dinna say friendless, Helen," cried he; "friendless ye canna be while I am in existence. Ye hae torn the scales from my eyes, and the first use o' sicht has been to show me that the past has been delusion, and that the future is misery, solitary madness, or despair! And hae I really a' this time mistaen sweetness for love, and familiarity for affection? Do ye really say that it was only familiarity, Helen?"
"The feelings of a sister for a brother," she answered; "of a daughter for a father."
"True," said he; "I see it now; I was, indeed, older than your father—I didna recollect that."
He sat thoughtful for a few minutes, when Helen, to change the subject, inquired after her old nurse, Janet White.
"Poor body," said he, raising his head, "her spirits are clean gone. I understand she sits mourning for you by the fire, cowering thegither like a pigeon that's lost its mate, or a ewe whose lamb has been struck dead by its side. It would wring tears from a heart o' stane to hear her lamenting, morning, noon, and night, for her 'dear bairn,' as she aye ca'ed ye—rocking her head and chirming owre her sorrow, like a hen bird owre its rifled nest. I had her owre at the Hall the day after I cam back frae London, and just afore I cam here to seek for ye. But there is naething aboot it that she taks delight in noo. And, when I strove to amuse her, by taking her through the garden and plantations, (though I stood mair in need o' comfort mysel'), she would stand still and lean her head against a tree, in the very middle o' some o' the bonniest spots, while a tear came rowing down her cheeks, and look in my face wi' such a sorrowfu' expression, that a thousand arrows, entering my breast at ance, couldna hae caused me mair agony. I felt that I was a puir, solitary, and despised being, only cast into the midst o' a paradise, that my comfortless bosom might appear the blacker and the more dismal. The puir auld body saw what was passing within me, and she shook her head, saying, 'Oh, sir! had I seen ye leading my bairn down thir bonny avenues as your wife, Janet White would have been a happy woman.' Then she wrung her withered hands, and the tears hailed down her cheeks faster and faster; while I hadna a word o' consolation to say to her, had it been to save my life. For the very chirping o' the birds grew irksome, and the young leaves and the silky flowers painful to look upon. O Helen! if ye only kenned what we a' suffer on yer account! If ye only kenned what it is to have hope spired up, and affection preying upon your ain heart for nourishment, ye wadna be angry at onything I say."
"Think not it is possible," she replied, while her tears flowed faster than her words; "but wherefore feed a hopeless passion, the indulgence of which is now criminal?"
"Oh! forgie ye!" he exclaimed, vehemently; "dinna say that, Helen! Hopeless it may be, but not criminal! That is the only cruel word I ever heard frae yer lips! I didna think onybody would hae said that to me! Did you really say criminal? But, oh! as matters stand, if ye'd only alloo me to say anither word or twa anent the subject, and if ye wadna just crush me as a moth, and tak pleasure in my agonies—or hae me to perish wi' the sunless desolation o' my ain breast—ye'll alloo me to say them. They relate to my last consolation—the last tie that links me and the world together!"
"Speak," said Helen; "let not me be the cause of misery I can have power to prevent."